[Tripping On…] Tripping On Gabapentin

I took my first dose of Gabapentin at 9:25pm. It’s 9:27pm now. Let’s see how this medication does for me over the next few hours, or whatever. First, I thought this was going to be Pregabalin, but I suppose they’re similar enough. Second, the side effects warning include suicidal thoughts in “a very small number of people, about 1 in 500,[1]” so that’s concerning. Third, I’ve started to get a bit of a headache, but we’ll see…

I’m taking this for lower-back pain and maybe as a root cause of my headaches.

Wednesday, 9:38pm
I will say that, generally, medication hits me quicker than the average, so although I should expect to peak at around 10:30pm, I’m already starting to feel some lightheadedness that I didn’t feel while writing about one hour ago. I’m feeling a little itchier in my ears, and my shoulders, along with somewhere else I just wiped.

Wednesday, 9:43pm
I’m feeling a bit tired and restless. I guess that’s a good thing. I haven’t had much energy lately and I feel like focusing it on something. I’ll dump some time into FF7.

Wednesday, 9:55pm
Just popped out long enough to look up the word Sephiroth uses in the Kalm flashback: itinerant. I’m not feeling much different. I may need to extend this trip report out until tomorrow morning to see how I feel, but for now, other than a little more tired and perhaps less focused than normal, where I couldn’t concentrate on, say, Endless War, I’m doing fine.

Wednesday, 11:18pm
I’m locked into FF7 and loving it. I don’t feel much other than tired and some of the usual headache pain at the top of my head. I figure I’ll play FF7 until I’m tired, go to sleep, and report on how I’m doing from there.

Thursday, 12:29pm
From how I’m feeling now, my back has confirmed to the shape of my pillow and chair, which could lead to problems when I wake up depending on how this translates over to my bed. For now, though, I don’t feel any pain. I had some minor headaches – flashes, really – but I’m feeling cognizant enough to know my limitations and know that I don’t want to savor everything about this situation or playing FF7. I skipped the Chocobo Farm section entirely because it seemed annoying by accident, where after battling the Midgar Zolom twice, I was teleported along the plotline as though the game were to say “let’s go,” so I go on to Junon. I guess that would be an apt description for my life: If something annoys me, I skip it, otherwise, I keep going. How will I feel after I wake up? It’s Thursday already. I swear, I tried not to waste time, but the time just slipped away from me. It’s probably the videogames I played to distract myself from the pain I felt that wasn’t quite ennui, but if it were, it manifested itself strangely in ways that were too punishing for me to tolerate. So where my pain sensations will be when I wake I do not know.

Thursday, 3:35pm
OK, I’m in it right now. I feel that sort of spaced-out-ness that one feels midway through  a trip, but I’m still coherent enough. I’m just dizzy enough to where I don’t feel confident enough to operate any heavy equipment or do anything precise like play Endless War. Here’s how I got to where I am now. I went to bed and set my alarm for 8am. I woke up exhausted, but different than the past few weeks. Normally, my back would be sore and in pain. Today, it was like my body wasn’t working well. I eventually woke up at noon without any energy at all. This already sounds terrible, right? Well, I wasn’t hurting, I was just numb, and I think my body was taking advantage of that by being completely numbed out enough to rest up. I took another Gabapentin, along with a Nabumetone, and a Propranolol at around 12:30pm with my morning coffee. I felt it kick in quick and I’ve just been vibing, as the kids say, and I’m reminded of when I took BHO. My body is registering things differently. I still feel the pain of my lower back, but instead of an overwhelming sensation, it’s detached. Food tastes different, like I’m not biased by myself in how the food tastes. But the biggest tell that I’m stoned – if you will – is that I’m not hungry. I don’t get hungry when I’m like this. Does this disrupt my sobriety, then? Well, it’s not alcohol, it’s not cannabis, and it’s to treat a medically vague malaise I’m experiencing, so who knows? I’ll write about some stuff and take more later, because this is, at least, detaching my mind from this pain so I can work it out.

Oh, andGabba Gabba Hey.”

Thursday, 6:06pm
I took another round of Gabapentin, Nabumetone, and Propranolol because I had noticed that although I was numb, I was able to do more. This should help kick things into a good gear over the next few hours. I guess I’ll continue writing in this over the next few days to write about if this was able to get my body to relax enough to get my back stretched out as it needed to, but I feel like I’m making progress.[]

Thursday, 10:11pm
I took another Gabapentin just to be thorough today. I felt really good after that second one. I noticed my body was starting to feel more mobile and able to do basic things. I’ll write more before bed. Hopefully tomorrow will be closer to normal.

Friday, 4:07pm
Today was closer to normal. My spine and body are moving better now and I’m feeling the pops in my body as I move around feel good rather than bad. I might even be back to normal within a few days. I think I’ll conclude this essay after I take my last Gabapentin later tonight.

Saturday, 8:40am
I’m back to feeling normal now, so I’ll go ahead and wrap this up here by saying that the Gabapentin really did help my body get itself sorted out. I won’t know until I get back to work how things overall are doing, but at least for now, all of my major problems are sorted out, so I can return to PT and actually get my lower back …back on track.

Quotes: [1] I was worried that this would be an anti-depressant. It’s closer to a body high, I guess.
Sources: My personal experiences.
Inspirations: I write trip reports over what I take to fix up issues, so this is my trip report on Gabapentin.
Related: Sober Living essays and Tripping On [The American Healthcare System] chapters.
Photo: Pill on my skillet.
Written On: See above.
Last Edited: 2020 May 16 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]
My big goal is writing. My most important goal is writing "The Story." All other goals should work toward that central goal. My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame some fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. I'm not better than you and you're not better than me. Let's strive to be better every day.