As happy as I am that the results of my x-rays showed nothing significant, perhaps similarly nothing significant with my bloodwork, leading promisingly to the start of the reparation process, through chiropractic work to undo the damage that posture – whether self-inflicted, incidental, accidental, or, through innocent happenstance – and reinforce better posture to regain my long-term health back, I suppose Oscar Wilde had phrased it well enough: “Nowadays a broken heart will run to many editions.”
It’s not that I’m writing these essays for content, exactly.
It might have just been nice if there were something more specific that caused my ailment. Through the limited conversations people have had with me about posture, only one, and this would be the most recent physical therapist, actually taught me the fundamental basics of back posture. The sort of sticking my butt out, leaning forward, stucking my chest out, then moving my neck in, to create a sort of S-pattern.
What if this were the cause of my six-month headache journey?
If so, then I would be mad because this could be easily teachable and preventable. Instead, I’ve suffered especially over these last two months for nothing significant. If I had known this two months ago, six-plus months ago, or even throughout my compulsory education, how would my life be different now? I look at the specific path I’m on, here, and although there are many negatives, there are also enough positives to where it’s not so bad.
Regardless of what I do, my back still hurts to try to get it in “proper posture.”
What I was looking for with other diagnoses was a quick fix. A magic pill that could take the pain away in my spine, so I could recover. It’s not so easy. I am, earnestly, trying everything I can to help my spine heal up well, and it’s painful. I suppose if there are any saving graces throughout this, tomorrow I’ll be going back to physical therapy with this information, so they can help guide me along, and I can schedule the appointment with the chiropractor to get my back sorted out.
This won’t be my first time talking to a chiropractor about my spine.
Let’s be as polite as possible and say that my first chiropractor was not a good fit for me. I am hoping for better results this time around, but I worry that because I’ve been in this hyper-reactive pain state, where either through my own accidental self-infliction or through how the spine has been pushed in directions where it overcorrects then gets worse, that there will still be plenty of painful moments ahead.
I share all this because of its insignificance.
This is not some rare situation that has only afflicted me throughout all of human history, so joining me on this journey for that healed heart could help others. I don’t want to stay in that broken heart mentality, but through expressing that as openly and honestly as I can, then maybe I can help others that might be feeling even a tenth of the symptoms I’ve expressed?
What if a majority of my headaches were caused by spinal posture?
I don’t know if giving this knowledge to a 10-year-old Zombiepaper would result in a mid-30s Zombiepaper having significantly fewer or nearly zero headaches. I can’t predict how that hypothetical would happen. The most I can do is assume that if I share everything to the best of my ability, it might help my readers.
If anything, it might help to, similarly, trivialize our mindbendingly significant aches.
If these head and back panes are “not significant,” where the impressions are “not worrisome” and “unremarkable,” then that means it’s easier to treat. I should keep myself in that mind that, sure, it doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy, just, easier.
I’m not sure what will happen going forward.
Between the referral to a pain specialist in two days, tomorrow’s physical therapy, and a “they’ll call you” approach for the chiropractor, I imagine the best case will be for me to do this tomorrow:  collect the information on my spine,  call the chiropractor to start that process, [2b] since the pain specialist wasn’t going to be calling me,  reach out to the relevant contacts to keep them in the loop, then  have that meeting with the pain specialist to figure out what my treatment options will be short-term and long-term.
Will we be doing this one-step-forward, one- or three-steps-backward approach?
Or is there a treatment option where I can get my spine back into its more proper alignment without causing any further significant physical pain. The stretching I’m doing now, as I write this sentence, is my best attempt at reproducing and practicing what I’ve learned in physical therapy. My spine is not feeling well. What feels best for it is being completely sedentary, and when my spine or head hurts too much, that’s where I’m going to remain.
A sedentary day won’t help me return to rowing, work, or living “my best life.”
However, I have to cope with this “insignificant” issue – medically – but, significant issue – for me – somehow. Let’s say there were one position that would get my spine back into perfect alignment. I would assume with all the strained muscles over these past six-plus months, and through all these years of imperfect posture, that it would take time to recover. “How long” is a big question, but I’m sure it will come up naturally throughout those four sections I wrote about above that I will turn into calendar items to address, since I’m just brainstorming now, but to have the memory to act on them will be tough when I’ve been sleep-deprived and pain-addled for the better part of a week. Where once I felt broken-hearted over such a common issue, I now feel closer to “healed.” Perhaps.
There’s still the next few days of pain over coordinating fixes to address.
|Sources: My personal experiences.|
|Inspirations: Covering my indecisive feelings about my health. I’m part of a book club, tangentially through ENDLESS WAR, and our book this month is The Picture Of Dorian Gray.|
|Related: Sober Living essays and Tripping On [The American Healthcare System] chapters.|
|Written On: 2020 June 09 [10:36pm to 11:111111111111111111pm]|
|Last Edited: 2020 June 09 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]|