I feel relieved to finally have the space to call the various organizations or providers I need to call to make sure that the bills I’ve been receiving don’t get any worse. I made my first call today. Although I was worried that it would turn into an argument or some kind of crazy event, it was nicely mediocre: I explained the situation, provided the relevant information, answered questions, and they said not to worry.
I feel like my desktop, unedited except for intentionally blurring things for a mild semblance of privacy, represents my life. Behind the many screenshots and files is an avatar of me. That version of me, Zombiepaper, is freer and the truer “me” than the person that exists here, Anthony, writing this essay. I thought of writing about my process of cleaning up my desktop to reveal him better, but instead, how did I get here?
Do we have any choice but to feel helpless when we’re faced with insurmountable odds? We probably should try to face these impossible odds the same way we might easier odds. Before writing that first sentence, I spilled water on my mousepad. That is easily fixable and not through complaining but through action. If we truly want to return back to a better lifestyle, we must reclaim our senses and act rationally – and not panic.
I hate how much garbage I collected. It’s stuff like junk mail that I didn’t immediately toss out that really upsets me. I’m mad at how bad I had gotten at organizing. I’m seeing progress after filling recycling bins with papers and plastics that weren’t even valuable and filling my garbage bin with junk. That progress is like taking off VR goggles and reacquainting myself with reality, eyes bloodshot, but able to see everything clearer.
Writing is easier for me than breathing, sometimes. Not just when dealing with stress, but in general, I can write for hours at a time without thinking, only stopping when I’m distracted by biological functions. Editing, however, is where the writing can really shine. Sometimes, it’s not needed, but most people enjoy “polished stone” writing. Collecting stuff is, similarly, as easy as writing, but organizing, decluttering, and curation? That’s the same as a well-polished essay.