Five years in March since I last drank any alcohol, five years in March since I last consumed any cannabis, and I just passed two years without taking anything that could affect my mind or body, other than caffeine or naproxen. This’s the one I’ve had the most trouble talking about because… how can I put it… …this is the counter that says I need to close any cheating loopholes. I am addicted to weakness.
I was in athletic shape once. I worked hard for months, rigorously studying fitness, until stopping for years. Careers are similar. You get the degree and perhaps opportunity, until you stop trying. Maybe you don’t get fired, laid off, or underemployed. Maybe it’s just you get disenfranchised. The nice thing about being a contractor, workin’ “the gig life,” is that your career fitness is always in athletic shape. You’re always fit and ready to work.
Passing another year of sobriety- five years in March– let’s consider how the Gig Life has both reassured and risked that progress. The biggest aid is that I’m almost legally prevented from getting too invested in any gig; I’d have to bill for that time. The biggest ailment is the grit that comes from jumping into projects in the yellow or red. Contractors are never needed when big projects or workloads are in the green.
Starting four years and eight months ago, I began developing mental fortitude against temptation, negativity, and the stresses that would otherwise compel me to numbness through alcohol. This pursuit of sobriety propelled me into self-improvement, which I partially credit for my endurance to evade sketchy situations in my conscious life. How about in my unrestrained dreams? Where anything is possible, including finding myself pouring vodka into this very glass, splashing in some orange juice, and…
Self-confidence might be the hardest thing to acquire. You can work at any menial job to get pocket change. Most information is now free, so you can learn practically anything, except, the most important thing of all: you aren’t worthless. Maybe you’re in a jam. Maybe you’re living well. Maybe you’re just OK. If you accept your core being, the good and bad, then any mistakes you make are permissible. We’re imperfect beings, after all!
I just snuck an extra benzodiazepine from their hidden stash, and was debating when to ease my anxiety, before fully seeing this beat-up keychain I found during a decompression walk. I put back the same medication I had been prescribed after my panic attack and continued my day. Even years later, there are days when it would be nice having that crutch to fearlessly ease into social situations. That’s when I must “stay strong” most.
I’m refining this organizational theory for completing tasks. Inspired by highways, warehouse shipping/receiving, the human body, and other data processing systems, this workflow has only three sections: “incoming,” “processing,” and “outbound.” When all aspects are working correctly, things flow smoothly. Otherwise, if one aspect isn’t working correctly, things build up. I’ve been successfully using this system to tackle my own hoarding tendencies, so let’s explore the specifics of this component of my “Zeal” office renovation.