There’s a line from Big Trouble In Little China where the character Jack Burton soliloquies about a situation he was in: ““Have ya paid your dues, Jack?” “Yessir, the check is in the mail.”” After sending some important emails over the past few hours, I found myself anxious for responses. I should, instead, wait for those checks to arrive in their mail. Why worry about anticipating all possible scenarios? Act once you’ve received your mail.
I was asked recently about my long-term plans within the company by my supervisor. I’m in a stressful, high turn-over role where people often get promoted into other roles. I said I was going to be staying put for right now to focus on my health. I’d rather advance myself than advance my career within any company, just because my role within the company can change suddenly, but my own resilience should be less fickle.
Over the past few years, I’ve been so focused on my writing goals that I’ve forgotten the simpler things in life, like admiring the colors in this oil in the parking lot. I know these slicks aren’t good to walk through, nor admire much, but they remind me of minor meandries. When I’m in a hurry, I forget they’re there, except to walk past them, and continue on my way toward the day’s many goals.
I can see the micro-expressions people give – mainly: envy, resent … sometimes: disgust – when I tell people about my downsizing adventures. It’s as loud as an object falling on the early morning ground. If I explain that I don’t need something or another, there might be a glimpse of greed, and I’m still victim to it myself. I still see occasional shinies and think: I might like that… It’s probably a human reaction to want overabundance.
I hate how much garbage I collected. It’s stuff like junk mail that I didn’t immediately toss out that really upsets me. I’m mad at how bad I had gotten at organizing. I’m seeing progress after filling recycling bins with papers and plastics that weren’t even valuable and filling my garbage bin with junk. That progress is like taking off VR goggles and reacquainting myself with reality, eyes bloodshot, but able to see everything clearer.
The thing that brought me the most joy the day I wrote this was watching these neon lights change color. There was just something soothing about seeing something so simple, abstract, and unique that framed the rest of the day in this weird sort of context. I don’t act in ways that are best for “my career.” I act in ways that are best for my health, physical and mental, rather than any financial health.
I get the most anxious when I strive to achieve something but have no room for intolerable failure. It’s fine when there’s an acceptable tolerance for failure; things just break. However, when it seems like there is no tolerance for failure, that’s when my pulse weakens and my senses overextend. John [left] and Trishna [right] will face plenty of anxieties in “The Story,” but how they handle certain conflicts will be interesting and perhaps helpful.
Spoilers?: Minor (minor character musings)
WANNA CONSIDER HOW ANXIETY EXPOSURE CAN BE HELPFUL? BUT ONLY IF WE RESOLVE OURSELVES TO OUR FATES AND WORK TOWARD OVERCOMING OUR SHORTCOMINGS? CLICK HERE TO KEEP ON READING!
The young computer repair technician crawled back to her workstation after a delicious chicken curry lunch to a fury of important messages:
Hi, Sammohini…I cannot get logged in.
Sent from my eScribe ES2001K“
Messe Business message from Nessa Shailaja:
can you go see dr duce ASAP
her computer crashed
she has a meeting in like 10 min.
Voicemail: “Hey, Sammohini, Nessa. Dr. Duce needs her computer fixed ASAP. I’ll try paging you. Okay, bye-e!”
The anxiety wouldn’t stop, no matter what I tried. Everything I could think of to fix the anxiety just didn’t work. All I had to do was ride it out until it finally subsided by an external force – the anxiety had been caused over an inability to do something important and having to defer to others, which I know is a pride thing, but the problem is that the solution is not always that predictable.
“Hey, uhh, thanks for stopping by.”
“Yeah, sure! Is now a good time for me to work on your device, doctor?”
The young computer technician arrived with notes in hand on how to fix the issue.
“Sure. I’ll just be reading over here. Let me know if you need me.”
“Sure thing! Thanks!”
She started clicking around on the computer, trying to figure out what was wrong. It wasn’t straightforward and wasn’t in the notes.