Who would have thought that talking about depression for nearly 6 hours would be so entertaining? Lively? That doesn’t feel like the exact right way to start this essay, but it’s what my mind started with as I began the prep process to write, so let’s roll with it. If I could say about our semi-academic conversation about Major Depressive Disorder, it’s that we had a fun time. Academia isn’t dry when applied to real-world situations…
Sometimes after seeing a show, it will be like all of the motivation and energy is sucked out of me, like I’m sick, but without physical ailments. Maybe it’s expectation versus reality? I get this feeling more often than not when achieving any goal. Once I’ve done it, then what? Find another mountain to climb, another obstacle to overcome, or another thing to see? Sometimes it’s like seeing through someone else’s camera is more exciting.
Most days are reliable like any piece of furniture, where any decent chair will consistently relieve your physical stress, then there are those few days… Maybe something breaks off from the chair? Maybe there’s an awkwardly persistent smell? Maybe something just feels off when you sit on it? What happens on those days? We can’t just dump the “broken chair” off somewhere and buy a new one. How then can we reupholster our life’s chair?
Life is a rollercoaster, with the occasional isolating feeling that what you’re going through is unique to the history of humanity. While no one has been through your exact life’s experiences, there have been many brave individuals that have braved through circumstances far worse. When I listen to Sabaton or see them live (4th time now!), their lyrics detailing historic battles remind me to press forward, and their music inspires me to address life’s stresses!
Let’s say you’re out of work and that depression is starting to kick in. You wake up with that urgency to get freedom, along with that hopelessness of not having an easy way out, both “achieved” through the paying gig. Now let’s say you’ve worked at a gig for some time and that depression starts kicking in differently. You wake up with complacency because you’re drifting away from your real goals. Why does this happen?
Self-confidence might be the hardest thing to acquire. You can work at any menial job to get pocket change. Most information is now free, so you can learn practically anything, except, the most important thing of all: you aren’t worthless. Maybe you’re in a jam. Maybe you’re living well. Maybe you’re just OK. If you accept your core being, the good and bad, then any mistakes you make are permissible. We’re imperfect beings, after all!