The only time I’m depressed is taking anti-depressants. Those are the hours and days where I do nothing, feel nothing, and want nothing from life. Those are the times where I stare at nothing for three hours and feel content with hating everything about myself. I couldn’t quite describe this to Doctor-Number-Two, based on how I felt when taking Zoloft, but I sure can say it based on being on Amitriptyline until I regained myself.
[3:11am] I’m in the middle of a cluster headache right now. I wrote read instead of head, there, at first. I can handle a migraine. Just don’t look at any bright lights and try to focus on something. I can handle a tension headache. If I move around enough, usually that kink will sort itself out. What if the two fight for priority over my thoughts? What if the tension and migraines migrate around my body?
It seems like there’s a monkey behind my right eye that prevents me from enjoyment. It’s hard for me to focus. I can’t write too well. Writing doesn’t flow naturally for me in these sorts of headaches. I would have been able to form an elegant bead of thoughts together into a nice necklace of a sentence, but instead, I am just left thinking about the cause of this headache. Stress, allergies, or general ennui?
Telling the doctor about my headache from the day before that was so severe it debilitated my day, caused me to leave work early, ruined several hours of time, which I am still feeling the after-effects where I don’t want to do anything other than sleep, caused nausea – where his reaction was just like if I told him that my favorite color was green – was demeaning. Why would I let that tomfoolery bother me, though?
Could you tell if someone had a headache just by looking at them? There are signs: stroking parts of the forehead, occasional wincing, or a decrease in mental clarity. Otherwise, it’s an invisible disorder where blood vessels misbehave around the brain, sending pain signals, or maybe, something completely different? Can you tell if someone has waged a war against their addictions just by looking at them? Would they show signs of having won daily battles?
From Friday AM to Sunday AM, I was voluntarily awake for about 60 hours. I took breaks, ate well, and slept, of course, but otherwise, almost all of my focus was spent capturing as information as possible. I didn’t work quite as hard as some people, but I’ll use myself as an example of why I think it’s important to pace yourself. Working to that degree of intensity works only if you take care of yourself.
I’m writing this on the tail-end of a headache. It’s still in there, lingering; lumbering its way through my body. There’s still a massive pressure behind my eyes, in my neck, and in my ability to concentrate. Normally, all processes are clear, I can focus, and do my work unimpaired. Headaches are like a sudden inebriation. My concentration and willpower are massively impaired as I’m struggling to even want to continue writing about this experience.
Health plays a key role in our self-confidence. If I’m feeling even somewhat ill, it’s likely I won’t feel confident in myself. That’s obvious, sure, it’s just I think we typically only etiologically work on problems ranging from communication to physical health. We might accidentally overmedicate to sedate lingering health issues or eat poorly, causing us physical distress, causing us mental distress, causing us to lose our self-confidence. What can we do to fix that?
“Oh, wow, you’re well-supplied!” I’ve found a well-stocked workspace helps make work more efficient. If I keep certain things handy, then I’m less likely to be interrupted with small tasks, allowing me to focus on my present and most important task. When I don’t have the space available, I’ll keep the highlights in my workbag. Let’s cover some common and oddball things that have helped me out at work, which might help you out, too!
You sometimes might not realize how much the grime that’s accumulated in your system is affecting you until you start dislodging it. The stresses of life build up innocently. Too many days without getting enough sleep, not eating well, not drinking enough water, or not taking care of yourself can, like my rowing machine’s chain, generally lead to a build-up of gunk that probably slowed down my rowing stats for years… let’s compare next week?