I had some spicy food yesterday that knocked me out today. I was fine enough yesterday even though I felt that it was too spicy at the time, but by the time I woke up the next morning, my whole body was experiencing new pains. That’s nothing too noteworthy on its own, but I was feeling drained and couldn’t do anything to fix it. I don’t think I’ll eat spicy food for a few months.
Every March, I celebrate another year of sobriety. I was wondering: Is this like my New Years? Probably not. I’m not especially nostalgic like that, I don’t care much about materialism or achievements. Rewards or awards don’t inspire me to do much more than I would have otherwise done, so eight years isn’t like this videogame achievement I’ve unlocked to then brag about to others. If anything, it’s something I often forget about until Februarys.
I felt OK enough to do a livestream today and I had a fun time during the whole experience, but I didn’t feel great enough to do it. I think I spent too much time on it today. I should probably moderate my energy in the future, especially since I have to be conservative with the amount of food I have in my pantry and the amount of pain management medication I take… for months…
It’s unfair that my spine is as bad as it is and how much of life is being taken away from me as a result. I can’t go to the grocery store to buy food so I eat the highly-preserved, sodium-drenched, canned food that I have in my pantry. If I have the energy to cook it. So I might look for some trailmix or cereal to snack on. Life is like that for me.
Well, it’s difficult to get online and not express myself honestly. I don’t know how this will turn out long-term on days like the day I’m writing this where I’ve felt like shit physically, and now mentally, for long enough to where it makes doing much of anything difficult. I do the best I can to express positivity elsewhere. I guess building “The Story,” as I learned with “Novel 01,” means progressing through “Novel 02” and beyond.
Spoilers?: Minor [long-term planning details]
WANNA CONSIDER HOW PIDGEONHOLING YOURSELF INTO A BOX OF POSITIVITY MIGHT PUSH YOU OUT OF THAT BOX? CLICK HERE TO KEEP ON READING!
Although I’ve had a good success rate with doctors, the pain I woke up with today was one that couldn’t be quieted by the prescription painkillers I’ve been given as the stopgap as we figure out what’s wrong with my body. On days like today, I’m not productive. On days like today, I look to “The Story” for energy for perseverance, and wade out the pain until it calms itself down for a better tomorrow.
I wasn’t able to pass a bowel movement in almost a week that I began feeling sick today. Constipation is a side effect of taking Oxycodone, which I was prescribed to manage my continued pain symptoms related to my lower back and tailbone, but days of taking Colace weren’t helping. Well, I spent the better part of four hours and an entire roll of toilet paper, but I managed to pass five pounds of feces.
The premise that painkillers can be addictive is absurd to me. Although I have a new prescription for Oxycodone to manage my pain symptoms, I don’t feel compelled to take more of it than necessary – or even any of it, as my spine is currently hurting – like I might feel compelled to eat some sugary sweets. Oxycodone “addiction,” for me, would be like being addicted to the icepack applied after being thwacked by a bat.
Good news! I met with my new dual sports medicine and pain management doctor today. Although today’s meeting was similar to other meetings I’ve had with other doctors, there was one major difference between today’s meeting and others: actionable items. My general rule of thumb now is that if I meet with a doctor and that doctor doesn’t directly order any tests, that’s a red flag that they aren’t a good doctor. Let me explain:
The meeting with the spine doctor didn’t point to an answer. I was once again referred along to a sports medicine doctor – a new one this time, and I almost gleefully canceled the appointment with the other sports medicine doctor – and back to my PCP. It seems reasonable this time. Instead of being dumped off without any sense of patient care, this time, at least, going to both of these doctors could help me out.