The thing that brought me the most joy the day I wrote this was watching these neon lights change color. There was just something soothing about seeing something so simple, abstract, and unique that framed the rest of the day in this weird sort of context. I don’t act in ways that are best for “my career.” I act in ways that are best for my health, physical and mental, rather than any financial health.
Was it the child that coughed her throat out for most of the plane ride that made me feel sick today? The weather change? Not stuffing myself in good restaurants? I feel exhausted with the sort of head cold that would make a good excuse to not get out there and do anything at all, because after all, not feeling well is always a good excuse for not doing stuff, right? I don’t quite agree.
“This is the second time you’ve called out sick this month!”
“I know, I was feeling really sick, really tired, and just couldn’t-“
“Those aren’t excuses!”
Everything was black, except for outlines of her boss and their cube area.
RED, FLASHING, BLUE
She awoke to darkness.
Her sweatpants were covered in sweat.
The blanket was on the ground next to the couch.
It was 4:47 AM.
She had intended to wake early, but not this early.
Cancer? I had to re-read it and it still didn’t really sink in for some time. “…Lost his battle with cancer?” Over the years, I’d been inspired by him a number of times. Some of the ideas this career professional shared – dropping off the grid to live life or letting go of all the stresses of work at a designated point along his drive – still resonate with me. Our impacts are greater than we think.
I felt on edge all day. I couldn’t concentrate on conversations and I felt like I was behind a glass screen, looking in, as I imagined my obsession. This is the nature of addiction. No matter how much good there is going on around us, we are still insufficient in the one thing that will make us the happiest; might. Once we overindulge once, we are likely to do so again because our willpower subsided.
It’s past 6 PM and the view of the parking lot was just as stale for Jane as it had been three hours ago. The studio apartment was cluttered with a cheap brown couch that had a broken pull-out bed, shaky desk for a computer, a cheap dining table with three mismatched chairs, and an acoustic guitar collecting dust. She hadn’t been outside all day, other than four times to smoke on the balcony, reading erotica.
From Friday AM to Sunday AM, I was voluntarily awake for about 60 hours. I took breaks, ate well, and slept, of course, but otherwise, almost all of my focus was spent capturing as information as possible. I didn’t work quite as hard as some people, but I’ll use myself as an example of why I think it’s important to pace yourself. Working to that degree of intensity works only if you take care of yourself.
Do we play videogames to escape from reality? Do we drop into videogameland vistas to explore new or familiar territories out creative curiosity? Or are we compelled to ignore our controlless, chaotic world in favor of fanciful fictions? Are fictional worlds candy for our imagination or the full-course meal that enriches us with delicious delights? This could apply to everything from reading, writing, working, overworking, or playing sports, we’ll just focus on videogames for now.
There was a rush at the Sneaker Transport warehouse to unload everything off of three trucks one muggy Evillain morning. Their loading docks were slammed full of outgoing furniture already without the three trucks scheduled haphazardly at the same time. They could have sent them packing, only to return later, but the decision was made to have two stalling out in the yard and all hands on deck to carelessly unload all the incoming furniture.
I’m writing this on the tail-end of a headache. It’s still in there, lingering; lumbering its way through my body. There’s still a massive pressure behind my eyes, in my neck, and in my ability to concentrate. Normally, all processes are clear, I can focus, and do my work unimpaired. Headaches are like a sudden inebriation. My concentration and willpower are massively impaired as I’m struggling to even want to continue writing about this experience.