I haven’t been able to row consistently in weeks since these headaches have controlled most facets of my health, so I’ve had to learn to moderate my calorie consumption so I don’t become too overweight. Last year, I started counting calories, and burned off a noticeable amount of weight. Before the New Year, I started graphing out the common foods I eat along with their contents to see if they’re good for me or not.
The biggest trap I fall into when it comes to the diet portion of diet and exercise, under the health and wellness umbrella, is accountability. Given the option, I would eat constantly, and excessively. That’s not too bad when the calories out [exercise] are more than the calories in [diet], but when it’s not, it becomes an unbalanced system. I’ve been struggling to figure out an accurate way to count my calories. I’ve found something…
I think, secretly, we worry too much about what we think others think of us. What if we accepted ourselves for ourselves, what we look like, and our flaws? This would undermine many organizations – materialism, pharmaceuticals, fashion – and help us feel better. What if you like wearing a shirt that has a hole in it and no one cared about that hole? You wouldn’t need to buy a new shirt. Why not try that lifestyle?
Looking back on this past year, I drop fourteen pounds. Last year’s resolution, if you will, was to stop eating so much “fast food” – heavily processed foods with abundant calories, excessive sugars, and other badness. I have mostly succeeded there. When I’ve increased my weight, it’s because I’ve been inattentive to calorie counting, which I started in May. When I’ve decreased my weight, it’s because I’ve counted calories. What is my fitness resolution? Keep counting!
‘I’m tired of all these headaches, debilitating or casual.’ That’s what I thought about when I thought about this season of gift-giving, superfluous consumerism, of waste and wanton pleasures materialistic, and all the greed therein. I have everything I need. Except for reliable, stable health. I could be going about my day, whether writing or driving, and feel a pang that stops me in my tracks. I’d like those gone more than videogames or socks…
I’m fascinated by the notion that in fifty years, what we think of as politically correct will be offensive, because the same happened fifty years ago, and I can only assume the most offensive materials were flushed from history fifty years before that… Will there be a time when my writing could be seen as exhibiting negative values? Perhaps. Before we continue, it’s OK to give me the benefit of the doubt. I’m not evil.
It’s been six days since I last rowed. Now that whatever was causing those mindbender headaches has stopped, and my health has normalized itself, I feel ready to get back on and row again. I’ll start slow, but I’ll start again. Despite seeming easier, not exercising just leads me down paths of overindulgence, binge-eating, and finding suboptimal ways of dealing with life’s stresses. I feel sluggish. I feel unhealthy and weighed down physically and mentally.
After accidentally launching Steam, I found myself playing a limited-time demo of Portal Knights for over three hours. I wouldn’t have let myself lust after such alluring worlds while writing my first novel, “A Story About Self-Confidence: What’s In A Name?,” a month~long story at Eville Medical in the Sammohini Arc of “The Story,” but after completing all my musts for the day, and not feeling terrible, I figured, why not give into digital allure?
The headaches got so bad I felt like a junkie by the time I stood in line waiting for the anti-inflammatory medication that had cured my headaches for years before. I had to wait for the right headache, one severe enough that drove me to feel like requesting a lobotomy would be a good idea and still being able to drive before I could see a doctor that would listen to me. Here’s that story.
All I feel like doing currently is sleeping, or, staring off into the ceiling and not doing anything at all. This isn’t a good feeling for someone like myself that is highly motivated, driven, dedicated, and willing to work past exhaustion in the short-term for long-term goals, but, when you do that for too long, sometimes it might be OK? No. It’d be one thing if the headaches went away. Cyclobenzaprine just numbs those storms.