I don’t believe in the power of donating to companies to provide for my community. After throwing myriad items into the trash compactor, some better than what I own, and watching these kind-hearted gestures from you and me become destroyed for no other reason than because these items were old stock or didn’t sell, while I may still donate and buy from thrift stores, it’s with all altruistic façades removed. Sobriety is like that, too.
I hadn’t realized how much my old rowing shoes were slowing me down until I rowed in my new rowing shoes. They were still comfortable enough, but I think that comfort was an invisible shield protecting them in my mind, because how can I throw out something that’s comfortable? Well, because although I liked the aesthetic of the shoes being held together by superglue experiments and layers of gaudy duct-tape, that comfort prevented my progress.
There’s this depressive sludge I’m crawling through right now, as a hoarder that is decluttering and packing up my collection, that eerily reminds me of other addictions. The biggest I learned as a furniture mover was that it’s easier to move other people’s stuff than your own because you don’t have an attachment to their stuff. Learning the decisiveness to keep or toss material possessions, while pretentiously first-world, does remind me of quitting other addictions.
Which is better: a well-balanced breakfast or some snack bar? What main metrics are we considering? Nutrition or time? Are there ways we can make it easier for ourselves to cook efficient breakfasts that will give us sustenance throughout the day? If so, are there are ways we can preemptively prepare food for ourselves throughout the day? Let’s consider how we can reduce mild feelings of sickness, laziness, or tiredness with changes to our routines.
My main New Year’s Row-solution is reducing the amount of fast food I eat, but should I wait until this essay publishes in 2019 to begin this pact? The intent, I suppose, is that we should start a “new year” as new people,” but why wait until that arbitrary date? Let’s externally throw out some wild claim for self-change after we’ve spent months internally building our resolves to the point where it’s an easy, throwaway statement.
Sometimes after seeing a show, it will be like all of the motivation and energy is sucked out of me, like I’m sick, but without physical ailments. Maybe it’s expectation versus reality? I get this feeling more often than not when achieving any goal. Once I’ve done it, then what? Find another mountain to climb, another obstacle to overcome, or another thing to see? Sometimes it’s like seeing through someone else’s camera is more exciting.
The best gift you can give to yourself is self-trust. Knowing that regardless of how any event turned out, if you trust that you did your best and tried with as much effort as you could muster, then the consequences are trivialities. Take all those negative feelings you have about wishing you could have changed past events and trust that you can act with positive intentions in behaviors that will improve your mind and body.
I spent about five minutes aligning the lens flare’s blue dot just right. I first motioned the camera so the dot would be inside of two of the branches, then, between the three branches of this tree on the tail-end of my lunch break. This was the only way I could think to calm myself down from the panic attack I had just plowed through, which, somehow I was able to describe while having it.
I used to spend most days sedentarily engaged in writing or working. The gigs I’ve enjoyed the most have got me out and about, but that might have just been because my hobbies are mainly sedentary. Now that I’m in the process of moving, which you’ll be reading about over the next few months, I’m more likely to spend hours moving things around. The most interesting change is that sitting around isn’t as appealing now.
They say that once you jump world lines from the normal path, you’re more likely to fall into worse habits. I think it’s merely that once you’ve pushed it to the limit and seen how easy it was to survive, you’re less scared of that. Why should this worry me? I’ve survived much worse, dealt with stronger forces, and recovered my ship’s sails from more turbulent waters, so this is just another storm to pass.