I’m following up with my doctor tomorrow. My doctor gave me injections that have admittedly helped with my overall physicality, but have not been substantial enough for me to feel like that’s all I need. I feel like another injection in my lower back might be helpful, but I will leave that up to my doctor to decide, and there is the question of physical therapy – along with infrequent headaches I’ve had since the injections.
I’ve had this headache for two days now. I’m not sure what caused it or what’s making it so bad. It might be constipation. Or is it some kind of spine problem? I have been feeling more physically active today and yesterday compared to immediately after the injection. I almost feel like things could be recovering, but, that could just be the medicine kicking in as well. I’ll know more readily after this headache resides.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve felt a separation between my mind and body. The two work in tandem, but the two are not united. Sometimes, this means when there is a disagreement, my mind has to hyper-focus to get my body – my meat puppet – to perform an action. When the two are closer to working together, then “I” can do good things. Yesterday’s mind wanted to get groceries. Today’s body said no.
It is just before 8am when I’m writing this sentence. I’m in my car, parked near the wheelchair ramp leading up to the clinic where I will receive an injection maybe before 9am to help decrease the pain I can mostly avoid through a sedentary lifestyle which will help increase my mobility so I can live a more productive lifestyle. It’s overcast and soon-to-be Fall. I arrived early – I hadn’t driven in maybe weeks?
“Never count on it until you can count it out.” I’m paraphrasing a quote someone who I no longer associate with once told me regarding money. This person ran a business and taught me this important lesson with business that applies to healthcare as well: until it actually happened, don’t count on it happening. My doctor needed to defer a week because, apparently, no one else at the location is qualified to do an injection?
There is a sort of negativity that I associate with certain things being left undone. Sometimes, I can help them. I can complete certain tasks. But other tasks, especially ones that I procrastinate on for too long, develop a sort of psychic damage against me, where, in my mind, I’ll always think about doing them. Better to get it done than not, right? Well, that’s sometimes possible. Instead, I try doing things when I can.
I’m not sure how long this essay will be today because I feel so exhausted and have felt so much so that I slept most of the day. I have a headache that indicates to me that I’ve been pushing myself too hard today, and much of that was just being awake. I should have gone back to bed to try to write. Why not write this essay as I can then go to bed?
As someone living with 8+ years of sobriety, it is in my best interest to learn more about sobriety. What we understand of sobriety is based on the writings of others that have experienced sobriety. I would even go so far as to say that sobriety is not a priority of doctors of medicine, so we addicts and alcoholics have to figure out these things, unless our addictions are medical emergencies. Everything else is our fault.
The platform that Zdiscord runs on recently implemented a new feature where channels could have sub-channels, basically, and at first, I thought that was going to be needlessly complicated. After some test runs, we’ve found uses for these threads. I, for example, have a channel in Zdiscord called #Health-ZP to document my health information. I have a thread for spine flare-ups inspired by, well, a flare-up that happened about 2 hours ago that reminded me: ouch!
This essay is an accidental prequel to tomorrow’s essay where I wrote about the processes of capturing my spine flare-ups. This one happened less than 5 minutes ago. I could feel my eyes widen and my concentration drop. My health hasn’t been great lately, but over the past few days, my health’s been even worse. I have my injection in a little over a week, so that’s nice to look forward to, but until then… sigh.