I came up with the title for this essay when I woke up this morning, since I woke up for the first time without any significant pain after having last gone outside nearly a week ago… until I moved around. The pain was so severe that I had to go back to bed for almost the entire day. At least tomorrow I’ll have a meeting with yet another doctor to perhaps take mercy on me…
I don’t know how many more months I’ll have until I feel somewhat normal, so I have to spread out my remaining painkilling medication since no doctor has had mercy on me to help me through the pain that is debilitating every aspect of my life. Since I have a limited supply and since I don’t know how long it will be before I get relief, I only occasionally have good days – with limited pain.
I just woke up about one hour ago and I already am exhausted and ready for sleep. Were it not for my commitment years ago to write at least 500 words each day, I probably would not be writing this essay now. I would probably be going back to bed now. I am in so much pain right now that it’s hard to tell if I’m fatigued or trying to escape the constant pain of consciousness.
I hate feeling like I’m a criminal asking for help with managing my pain. When I talked to the sports medicine doctor, I asked him for a referral to a pain management doctor, and he told me he wasn’t going to prescribe narcotics to me. It was him completely missing the question but also points to a problem with the American Healthcare System as a whole: its only solution to pain is prescribing more painkillers.
I know I’m in for severe pain when I feel or hear a pop in my spine. When that happens, I nearly lose consciousness, except perhaps not as drastic as it sounds. Rather, all of my consciousness shifts to addressing and desensationalizing the extreme pain that had been released into my body. This happens when I move my spine at all, walk, or even at random. When this happens, I begin wheezing rather than breathing.
If I could summarize today’s meeting with the sports medicine doctor, emailing the spine doctor’s office, and a phone call with the sports medicine doctor’s office, it would be this: both parties seem to be trying urgently to avoid taking care of my patient care. I’m beginning to call them out on this and I think it’s making some progress. If I continue, they’ll either kick me out or treat me as a human being.
“This is stupid” is probably not the best thing to say at a doctor’s office, but after having gone through a painful physical examination where the sports medicine doctor had asked whether I stayed in bed for most of the day because of how poorly my body reacted to any sort of significant movement, that’s the only thing I could respond with after being told that he had not received any of my medical records.
I suppose I have never been in a situation like this where I actively need to expect the worst possible outcome while hoping for the best. Usually, things seem to work out well enough to where most possible outcomes aren’t usually too bad. I’ve had bad luck, sure, along with every other human being. I’ll say, however, that the American Healthcare System has generally treated me so terribly that expecting good to happen is foolish.
Throughout my experiences, I’ve never written much about Acetaminophen because there isn’t much to write. It’s a simple over-the-counter medication that has never been effective for me. I suppose it has some uses for some people in some situations, but for me, it’s never been anything more than something that doctors recommend I take that never works. I’ve even taken it off-and-on throughout my post-surgical healing process to no effect. Everything I’ve tried doesn’t work.
In my opinion, there are two types of doctors: “A-Doctors” and “B-Doctors.” A-Doctors are the sorts of doctors you would expect to encounter when you have a medical issue of any sort where you express a problem and receive some sort of relief. I have found, through my experiences in the American Healthcare System, an epidemic of B-Doctors or doctors that are not concerned with their patients at all beyond legal necessities. They’re Bad Doctors.