[Rowing Machine] 2021: Week 19 {223.0} “Restoration Isn’t Linear”

I had my two spinal injections seven days ago, as of this writing, and I am feeling much better. I have been in significantly less pain, and have significantly more mobility, but the pain is still there and over the past few days it’s still been debilitating. I was able to go out the past two days to take care of some errands, but today, I wasn’t well enough to do that – still, I’m progressing.

WANNA CONSIDER HOW JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE FEELING BETTER DOESN’T MEAN YOU’RE BETTER? CLICK HERE TO KEEP ON READING!

[Rowing Machine] 2021: Week 18 {222.0} “Anticipation Of Restoration”

I was watching a video of some people roadtripping without any flourishes and I had to break my mental perception of how much effort it would take for me to do that same thing, were I there, considering the lo-fi production quality and its overall relatability. I need my cane to walk around my apartment. I need my crutches to walk around when I go out. I’m anticipating a restoration of my health’s lost past.

WANNA CONSIDER HOW PAIN CAN MAKE PERSISTENCE MORE POWERFUL? CLICK HERE TO KEEP ON READING!

[Rowing Machine] 2021: Week 17 {223.0} “Barely Imagine Physicality”

Yesterday, I planned to head up to the pharmacy today to take care of things, but my spine had other plans. I woke up after being asleep for about one hour to the worst spine pain I had ever experienced. Everything hurt. I was eventually able to get my spine to calm down, but waking up from that was the beginning of the next phase I had been worried about: I can’t imagine being physical.

WANNA CONSIDER HOW GIVING A FUCK REQUIRES A SUBSTANTIAL AMOUNT OF ENERGY? CLICK HERE TO KEEP ON READING!

[Rowing Machine] 2021: Week 16 {217.0} “Functional Restoration Meetings”

I had my meeting with the two Functional Restoration doctors that were advertised as being the ones to help restore the function to my spine, and, I would say that their plan is probably about as good as it can be toward my long-term recovery. First, we have to fix the pain side of things – the tailbone specifically – and then we’ll try physical therapy again. It’s not fantastic, but it could have been much worse.

WANNA CONSIDER HOW THE MORE ROOM FOR PROFIT DOCTORS HAVE, THE LESS ROOM THEY HAVE FOR PATIENCE? CLICK HERE TO KEEP ON READING!

[Rowing Machine] 2021: Week 15 {219.0} “Tailbone Is Dagger-Like”

Most of the time, my tailbone is well-behaved enough, but if I walk too fast, my tailbone is like a dagger that stabs into my body to the point where I forget about anything else other than relieving the pain. Usually lying down in bed for hours will cause that pain to go away. I have to wait another week before I can meet with doctors to maybe help me diagnose what’s gone so wrong.

WANNA CONSIDER HOW APATHETIC HEALTHCARE SYSTEMS CAN CAUSE MINOR PROBLEMS TO BECOME MAJOR? CLICK HERE TO KEEP ON READING!

[Rowing Machine] 2021: Week 14 {213.5} “Terrariums From Abroad”

Will I ever be able to visit any park for terrarium-building or exploration again? This seems like a depressive question, and if the accidental call from a psychiatrist I received earlier today might imply, that seems rather concerning, doesn’t it? Fear not, it’s me asking pragmatically broad. I’ve been disabled since April 2020, and I’ve been unable to walk around much more than a few feet without a cane since my spine surgery in August 2020, so…

WANNA MEANDER THROUGH MY THOUGHTS ON HOW POOR MY CURRENT HEALTH HAS BEEN FOR MONTHS? CLICK HERE TO KEEP ON READING!

[Rowing Machine] 2021: Week 13 {215.5} “Grocery Store Stroll”

Tomorrow, I will do my first grocery store stroll in a month, to pick up some medication that might help me feel better, or at least, help me not feel so terrible all the time. That’s the theory, anyways. The last few times I’ve gone, I’ve used a shopping cart like a walker, and it’s been a pain. I haven’t gone out much lately, so it’s hard to say how it’ll go. Probably not great.

WANNA BET ON WHETHER DOCTORS WILL CARE ABOUT MY GROCERY STORE STROLLS BY THIS ESSAY’S PUBLICATION? CLICK HERE TO KEEP ON READING!

[Rowing Machine] 2021: Week 12 {211.0} “Ambitions Within Physicality”

Despite being limited by my physical limitations, I still have plenty of ambitions. I’m still not confident whether I’ll ever row again – I will have met with a department that deals with long-term rehabilitation between writing this essay and its publication, so it’s possible things could change, but I’m still happy with the physicality I performed today. I did some cleaning, some reorganizing, and even tended to some physical errands that have been piling up.

WANNA CONSIDER HOW THE SMALLEST OF ACCOMPLISHMENTS ARE STILL ACCOMPLISHMENTS? CLICK HERE TO KEEP ON READING!

[Rowing Machine] 2021: Week 11 {215.0} “Eight Years Sober”

Every March, I celebrate another year of sobriety. I was wondering: Is this like my New Years? Probably not. I’m not especially nostalgic like that, I don’t care much about materialism or achievements. Rewards or awards don’t inspire me to do much more than I would have otherwise done, so eight years isn’t like this videogame achievement I’ve unlocked to then brag about to others. If anything, it’s something I often forget about until Februarys.

WANNA CONSIDER HOW EVEN A BADGE LIKE EIGHT YEARS SOBER COULD BE CONSIDERED A FORM OF CONTROL? CLICK HERE TO KEEP ON READING!

[Rowing Machine] 2021: Week 10 {216.5} “Some Envious Results”

I’ve been told by some people that they’re proud or even envious of my success livestreaming and bringing together people that enjoy my spoken-word content. When I livestream, I talk for hours in almost a podcast-style manner about my life, the lives of others, or things that I might be doing. That I’m achieving success here is certainly nice, except my health has overall been steady if not declining; not directly as a result, however.

WANNA CONSIDER HOW THINGS THAT ARE ENVIOUS ARE OFTEN NOT ALWAYS COMPLETELY BASED IN POSITIVITY? CLICK HERE TO KEEP ON READING!