Before renting the apartment-mansion nearly three years ago, I decided to pay extra for the view. I had assumed, wrongfully so, that this part of the complex would be quiet. The other apartment was situated in the middle of the complex, so I imagine it could be even louder. Despite the continually noisy neighbors that I didn’t experience at my last apartment, at least I can now enjoy the view while writing, after furniture rearranging.
I had incidentally two people over today regarding maintenance on the apartment-mansion. The second was the first annual “annual” inspection of water pipes and smoke detectors. The first was a contractor that was there to replace a smoke detector that had been painted over, over the years, and wasn’t giving a good signal to the fire alarm company. Whenever possible, I like to strike up conversations, organically, with people, since they have interesting life insights.
Over the past ten visits to physical therapy, I’ve reversed the spinal issues that were causing my headaches and learned better ways to stretch certain muscles in my neck and shoulders. Although it’s not magic and although it won’t get done on the first visit, with enough practice both with the physical therapists and at home, I was able to reclaim normalcy. It’s a good feeling rowing again. I’m getting into more advanced stretches now.
I spent all day Saturday on my feet, running around, talking to people, without drinking my usual gallon of water per day, only eating a small breakfast and a small dinner, after a week of rowing 15-minute sets somewhat consistently, for the heaviest weigh-in I’ve had in nearly one year. It’s easy to critique myself, consider all my efforts to be wasted, and consider this whole thing to be a waste. Instead, let’s consider unexpecting.
I kept this mini-rower for one month more than its usefulness because I needed a viable option. The gym I found is an effective stop-gap, where, within its hours of operation, I can row well consistently, so I don’t need this squeaky rower. I still want a nice rower I can use at any reasonable hour for those days I’m anti-social, but at least I’ve been able to burn off some superfluous energy – mentally, anyways.
My mind constantly chatters. I’ve developed a tolerance for ignoring the negatives – and when the negatives scream out me, I’ll sit quietly, listen to it empathetically as that bratty side of my mind screams about not being able to get ice cream, until it tires and we can find a compromise on maybe some icy treat later on – but even without the negativity there’s still there’s a constant monologue of ideas. Except when I exercise.
I think we procrastinate when an activity is too difficult to imagine how to start. I’ve been procrastinating on deciding my fitness lifestyle for the better part of the past month, if not multiple months, and it’s been a mild irritant that’s just been permeating everything I do, but in minor ways. I can only express my stress so much through words. When others tell me about their gym memberships, I experience something weird: jealousy.
I haven’t had much energy lately. My health has declined since I stopped rowing twice daily in minor ways, but it’s in the inability to move things I once could or work as hard as I once could. After I moved, I stopped being able to row at all. The chains are too loud. Sure, the neighbor kids still scream in the complex, but I don’t want to be rude like that, so I’m stuck…
Knee-deep in this depressive state, I don’t feel good, as in the opposite of evil rather than well. I feel like I am not worthy of having good things. Not respectable. Bad things should happen to me and that I might not be successful in both my hobby dreams and professional ventures. I feel like I am one failure away from not being able to bounce back. I just want to sleep this badness away.
“I always hear about the free weeks or the cheap monthly rates.” “Yeah, but if you look at the actual plans, over the course of a year, it’s like $500.[1,2]” It’d be one thing if I needed the external motivation, liked networking, did a wide range of workouts on many different types of ergometers, or wanted to learn from a personal trainer. All I wanna do is row! It’s been a month. I’m growing ever weaker…