It’s boring counting calories and it’s exciting eating. The point isn’t so much to count the calories themselves as much to remove the psychological control eating has over us. If we can’t control our appetites, how can we control our minds in other regards? If we can’t do anything to even limit our caloric intake from a basic moderation perspective, we lose. That’s where, whenever I’ve lost weight, it’s because I’ve been analyzing those numbers.
The first time I went into a float tank, over five years ago, when I laid down in the epsom salts, I heard about twelve cracks from my upper back. I’d held tension there for years. Even my previously last deep stretch, stretching my back with a 6′ PVC pole, didn’t get that deep, and I’ve never replicated that level of stretching. I hate thinking that was a lifetime of tension built up in my back.
I’ve had headaches on and off for the past month. I don’t want to row while having a headache because the source of my headaches are usually tension based. It could be a lower back thing – I did fall onto my tailbone on my rowing machine a few years ago – or it could be a mental stress thing. The problem is, for the next few weeks, I’m just stuck with headaches and not rowing consistently.
After weeks of overindulgent over-consumption of sugary snacks of sorts seemingly innocent, I realized all of those should go. Anything that doesn’t nourish well – or, if it’s not my favorite coffee-dipping crackers – should go, but, unlike donating anything that’s not trash to a thrift store, there aren’t as many food banks in this area, and the ones that are around are more exclusive. It’s unfortunate how much food goes to waste that could be helpful.
The problem with following a strict calorie counting regime, that being avoiding eating over 2000 calories daily, is that sometimes you just need to eat more. Either through mental or physical stress, despite all your best intentions of small frequent meals, you might find yourself craving something you know isn’t healthy. I’ve eaten thousands over my daily calorie budget and though it feels good and is sometimes necessary, it’s unfortunate, but still, it’s perfectly fine; moderately.
There is a certain absurdism I loved when I was blocked by a business after being critical of their responsiveness. It was crazy to see! Here is a company that wants to uphold customer service and yet midway through our messages, I see I can no longer communicate with them. I wasn’t aggressive nor sworn! I did what anyone would: I highlighted the absurdity of the situation by saying “I was blocked for this tweet.”
WANNA SEE THE ABSURDITY IN BLAMING AN EXTERNAL FORCE RATHER THAN TAKING PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY? AND HOW THAT CAN REFLECT POORLY ON YOU? AND HOW FITNESS SHOULD BE ABOUT BETTERING YOURSELF PAST THAT? CLICK HERE TO KEEP ON READING!
I know why I weigh five more pounds than last week. Specific stress points and general stressful factors enabled dietary choices, usually passable, to be stress-seductively over-indulgent to where my cognitive discipline was weakened. There are better ways to deal with stress than eating, but if the stress is weighing down on you too much, you don’t have the energy to fight back. Suddenly, that second food portion might become your potion to fight back.
I’m not sure what compulsed me to consume 3,700 additional calories. I had my theories, thought about the absurdly angry antagonists, things not going according to plan, but these are lies. Whenever you tell yourself an answer like that, you’re lying. Don’t worry, we all lie to ourselves for casual convenience. If there’s an answer, you don’t need the right answer. My answer happened yesterday afternoon after washing my hands and just before returning to work.
Another stressful shift. Years back, I’d go to some stores on the way back home to buy things to entertain me. Years before that, the liquor store. Now that I have some semblance of sanity about me, I know when those oppressive feelings obliterate any sense of normalcy, the last thing to do is binge on anything. These aren’t even the best times to row. It’s better to calm down and sleep. Row while calm.
I’ve burned off nearly 50 pounds since the start of this Rowing Machine adventure in late March 2017. The problem is I don’t have much proof that I once weighed 267 pounds and now weigh 219.5 pounds, other than one weigh-in, some photos showing a heavier me, and my memories. I have less evidence of my “60 pounds down in 6 months” achievement of my early 20s and my 67 pounds up in my mid-20s. How can I still claim such “miracles?”