[The Story] Bad Spine Day

It wasn’t until I had some of my worst spine days that I imagined the conclusion of one scene in “The Story.” When one’s spine doesn’t work, one’s health is in terrible condition. I don’t feel like eating or doing much of anything when my spine hurts. Moving around sucks. Anything pleasurable is immediately dampened, so anything less than tolerable immediately becomes intolerable. It’s important to decipher the differences. But what if you can’t tell?

Spoilers?: Major [Pollyanna Arc workshopping]

The Pollyanna Arc is one of those brainstorming ideas I have putzing around my brain.

Pollyanna is the service dog to Trishna and the thing that I’ve imagined with this series, whether it’s a novel or series of novels [and thus “Arc”], is that Trishna and Pollyanna share a sort of mental bond. When Trishna talks to Pollyanna, she understands. Pollyanna doesn’t have quite the same way to communicate, except in certain ways, where maybe she can express base emotions like happiness or pain.

The scene I was thinking during my terrible spine days a few days ago involved that pain.

A scene that I think about frequently is how Pollyanna passes away because of how my own childhood dog, Patrick, passed away. I want now to have done more for him then, but I was inexperienced so I didn’t know how to act differently. If I had the sort of telepathy that Trishna and Polyanna share, would Patrick have suffered less? That is the major difference between writing idealized fiction and writing what you actually imagine when you consider fiction writing. I am not writing about Patrick when I write Pollyanna. She is a different dog, even if I can borrow thoughts and mannerisms from Patrick when I go to write about Pollyanna.

Patrick’s spine, for example, broke perhaps due to veterinarian neglect or abuse.

Pollyanna doesn’t suffer from such a fate, however, the scene that came to mind as the penultimate scene – the one before they take her to her vet here she’d been going since she was a pup and they loved and treated her well, rather than placed their care of animals in inexperienced and unmonitored hands – is perhaps much more common. Pollyanna gradually becomes less active throughout her years. On the days leading up to being put down, she moves around significantly less.

Maybe it’s a spinal issue?

John and Trishna are playing videogames when they hear her lightly whimper. The pain is too much for the poor old dog that had been loyal for so long. Maybe she wasn’t in pain at all until that moment? I doubt that Trishna would become distracted from Pollyanna even with John being around. She loves her service dog and they share that bond. So as soon as she hears Pollyanna’s whimper, Trishna doesn’t even need to look into her eyes as she might normally do to see how she’s going. She knows.

John goes over to comfort Pollyanna as Trishna gets help.

In my mind, I hear Trishna scream out to her parents about Pollyanna and then they go to the vet. Maybe this isn’t the penultimate scene before they put her down? Maybe Pollyanna has a few more weeks left in her after this? Either way, in the depths of my own personal hells dealing with spinal issues that mire me from any pleasure or want of anything other than the least bit of relief, this was the scene that flashed through my mind and seared long enough to hang out until now when I had a good enough of a spine day to write this down.

I share my experiences to help grow our understanding of reality.

If we can point to media and say “my experience is like this,” then it can help others understand the situations we’re going through. If not, then how can I describe these sensations to anyone. I didn’t know how bad this spinal issue would get and how much worse it’s gotten in just a few weeks. Now it’s a mad rush to do as much as I can to try to eat as much as I can and rest my spine as much as I can. So even if a short percentage of the Pollyanna Arc of “The Story” is about how Pollyanna deals with her own spinal issues, and perhaps more so how Trishna deals with hers, then I think it will be good, even if I don’t make any money out of this whole thing.

If it will help others, then maybe that help can reciprocate back to me?

If there’s one thing I don’t want to do, it’s put Pollyanna – along with John and Trishna – through any terrible situations. I love these characters. If not for thinking about these things, I can think of far worse and darker things, so it’s nice to keep my mind on more positive topics. Yet part of that love does mean I have to follow them accurately, and part of that accuracy is when I imagine scenarios like this, where Pollyanna suffers, I know that she doesn’t suffer needlessly.

I know Patrick didn’t suffer needlessly.

But still, to know in my heart that my truest intentions are there, even if the wording or thinking isn’t the clearest is how I’ve built up these foundational brainstorming essays over the years. I may not use much of anything once I go to write any part of “The Story.” Sometimes, writing these essays is just an exercise in exorcising these scenes and thoughts so I can move onto the next thing. There is no point, for example, in holding onto this particular scene. It’s not a happy one. Through writing it and through considering it, I do want to include it somehow, if only because that’s how I imagined Pollyanna’s Arc to conclude. Now whether that changes whenever I go to write will be different.

But it’s better not to worry too much about those details when you’re just brainstorming out ideas.

Quotes: None.
Sources: The Story’s Imaginarium.
Inspirations: My imagination and personal experiences.
Related: Essays building “The Story.”
Picture: Template
Written On: 2020 July 15 [8:40pm to 9:05pm, with a mild distraction in between]
Last Edited: 2020 July 15 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]


My big goal is writing. My most important goal is writing "The Story." All other goals should work toward that central goal. My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame some fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. I'm not better than you and you're not better than me. Let's strive to be better every day.