After playing enough of Star Fetchers and enough of Lovecraft’s fiction to feel confident about my opinions on both, I think my thoughts on media comes down to their priorities. Do they prioritize radical environments where things are ultraviolent and gnarly? Or, I suppose the opposite end of that rule-of-cool would be characters becoming cool? For me, the setting, environment, and even characters themselves are secondary to development. That’s what I’m building for “The Story.”
Spoilers?: Minor [being versus becoming]
I’m bored by most fictional worlds.
I think it’s because when it comes to specific premises, like “in a world where X meets Y,” I zone out because it’s not really applicable to me. I do like some fictional worlds, and like adding lore to the world of “The Story” as it differs from my own, but I would say the more fantastic it becomes, the more it has to rely on other elements to keep me interested. How might a story about two thugs in Star Fetchers relate to me? Not much. Same with Lovecraft.
I don’t have a clear answer as to why Lovecraft or Tolkien’s worlds bore me.
I suppose technical craft doesn’t excite me that much. Even the execution of technical craft doesn’t do much for me. I might watch a particularly impressive gaming playthrough of some difficult game and that might be pleasing, but I might rather hear about someone’s day. In that regard, I’m not too interested in playing out power fantasies in videogames, so in a game like Star Fetchers where you’re a powerful sword-wielder in this crazy world, and if you die you can restart from the last screen, rather than being exciting, it’s tedious.
You’ve already become powerful, so where’s the room for character development?
I am in a constant struggle against myself, in terms of fighting against a lifetime’s worth of interests and excitements, along with wanting to create my own media. There are stories I want to tell. Some distractions, like the aforementioned examples or ENDLESS WAR help me figure out my priorities, but even then, I can quickly get lost within the shuffle of wanting to do too much outside of my primary focus.
My primary focus is becoming a fiction novel writer.
There are many other things I am, and many other things I can become, but the reason why I’ve dedicated 2 essays out of 14 each week to “The Story” is so that I don’t forget my priorities. It’s tough to dream of becoming something when you’re stuck in the middle of nightmares, but sometimes there is no other way than by making those difficult decisions, such as saying to yourself ‘as much as this game or these stories are kinda neat, I’ve got all that I need to get out of them, so any more time with them outside of using them as examples would be a waste of time.’
What will help me become a fiction novel writer?
Half of it is doing things like dropping a demo, as I did with Star Fetchers, when it got to be too frustrating to continue. As I died for the dozenth time, I had thought about something that someone had once said about how videogames can teach resilience, and I thought, ‘well, no, I’m not interested in learning that sort of resilience.’ This is the third attempt I made at writing this sentence. I will never go back to edit this sentence, and in a month, I’ll have forgotten I wrote it. There’s no need for me to worry about resilience in the same sense as videogaming resilience against defeating bosses or tough encounters.
All I need to do is focus on writing coherently.
Everything else will follow. If I get no readers throughout my lifetime, then it will have been worth it for me because writing is my truest form of recreation. When I play most videogames, their game mechanics feel clunky or abstract for me. Reading is closer to what I enjoy doing, but I find myself distracted and impatient unless it speaks to me in a particular way. I don’t have much anticipation for much in life as I am, but I have all the anticipation that what I can become will be golden, so long as I survive this short-term.
Easier said than done, I might add, as my spine inhibits pains me and my appetite.
So meandering through these media and more are acceptable restroom breaks when it comes to my life’s work, but they fail to do much for me, and I’ve always wondered why. I don’t know for sure, but the “being” versus “becoming” is a decent thought. Characters that “are” the best at what they do bore me. Characters that are “trying to become the best at what they do” interest me more. Even if the plot is predictable, it’s still seeing them up on the stage, fighting for themselves, that makes it more interesting for me than seeing them already having achieved all that they came to achieve.
When I think of “The Story,” it usually starts when John and Trishna are preteens.
That, or when they’re together in their late-teens, and even then, they’re still trying to figure out life, themselves, and each other. I’ve been thinking about the first time they chat online a lot over the past few days, and thinking about how they end their first conversation. Trishna asks John if she can talk to him again tomorrow. He says “sure,” and sure enough, she is there to pick up their conversation the next day. It’s kind of a cute thought, overall, and one that I think cements the core of what their relationship will “be” so that whatever their relationship “becomes will still be rooted in that same sort of eager innocence. Trishna, after all, has found someone that she is interested in talking to, and won’t let him go away so easily.
That’s the story I’m dedicating my life – mostly – to telling.
|Sources: The Story’s Imaginarium.|
|Inspirations: Checking out some media then thinking about why I didn’t love them much.|
|Related: Essays building “The Story.” Vaguely Media Meandry related.|
|Written On: 2020 July 28 [12:50am to 1:24pm]|
|Last Edited: 2020 July 28 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]|