Throughout the entirety of “The Story’s” inception, from the library of my high school, to today, I had thought about the relationship between John and Trishna as one that would have some degree of romance, because, well, that’s what all of media portrays. There is nothing outside of media involving romance, always in a positive light, but could “The Story” involve two friends without benefits, without anything more than the benefit of a deep friendship?
Spoilers?: Minor [what distracts us?]
Is romance a distraction in media?
Does its role influence us more than we think? We might say it doesn’t, but romance serves an important role in perpetuating the human race. When I think back through the years of thoughts I’ve explored with John and Trishna, and even the minifigs I’ve photographed as early examples of their characters, they interacted in romantic ways. Sexual, even. Is that really all there is to “The Story?” This is a deep question that might not be answered in one essay of thousands, but, the question can start a transition from one type of focus to another.
What if John and Trishna weren’t sexual?
What if everything else was the same. They became friends through some game, they developed a close friendship, they talked through phone calls, but they never were interested in anything more than that? It wouldn’t affect much of the initial plotting – Trishna’s family would still retrieve John from his living environment after an argument some three hours away. Trishna’s family would have still talked with him but been a little suspicious over whether he would have any potential for abuse in him. John would show that he did not.
Everything else implies a budding romantic relationship.
What would be different if not? What if he took a room in their house, they were friends, but nothing more? Would that still be truthful to “The Story” or would I be trying to inject an anti-romantic perspective on a story between a boy and a girl – which always results in romance, marriage, and children? What factors of their personalities would be different for that to seem more than a convenient challenge against the norms? That’s a version of “The Story” I couldn’t have written as a teenager or early adult, one who fit into societal norms, who had wanted to pursue a relationship to have all of the indulgent behaviors that go along with that.
I am at a crossroads in my life.
The life I led up until my disability was one where I was practicing and realizing my dreams, but nothing was happening with that. By the time this essay publishes, I will be close to writing frequently for 5 years, and objectively, this is a losing game. I’ve spent 900+ hours writing for $0.00 of profit. I’ve gotten a gift or two, but nothing over $100. Would you work for over 23 weeks at a job you love for no profit? That’s what I’ve done, spread out over 5 years. From the outside, I am a failure. From the outside, I have no societal value, no worth other than the capitalistic production I can provide to industries for my labor, and those 900+ hours I spent away from profit production.
Those hours shaped me into the person I am today.
There is no me without “The Story.” “The Story” has become a sort of backbone for me when my own has failed. Were it not for that, I wouldn’t have had the wherewithal to withstand the treatment I’ve endured through my medical situation, through my life, and everything else. All of the rewards and accomplishments I’ve gained from livestreaming mean nothing to me if they interrupt my writing. I want nothing more than to be able to write “The Story.” What happens after that I don’t know, but it is a force that has compelled me for many years – I imagine once John and Trishna are freed, having told “The Story” accurately and without personal bias, then I am free to live a life that resulted from that dedication.
My romance is to writing “The Story” and everything else.
My romance is not to another person, even if I occasionally feel seduced or feel biological impulses. Those feelings are minimal compared to the satisfaction I feel when I write. This feeling I have right now is a feeling of contentment. My spine hurts, sure, but the writing makes it feel better more than any medication I’ve received, and yet, once this is done, I’m back into my body and the feelings this broken body has returned. So as much as I like the idea of practicing biological urges, they must not get in the way of my writing.
I’ve been writing on such a small scale lately, too.
Only 30 minutes per day, on average. If I had more, like 1 hour, then I would have been at 1800 hours instead, or 1/5 of the way to writing mastery, but I’ve already put in as much time as I can muster each day into writing. If I pace myself well and don’t get too distracted, I could maybe do more, especially after my health improves, but each day I fight against that sensation, too. Will my health ever improve? It’s a terrible feeling to live in a body that is so terribly broken yet so ignored by people who I trust.
They betray my trust and I don’t want that.
I practice biological urges to exorcise them from my psyche, to minimize their distractions, and to relax my senses so I am not razor sharp and biting with fierce determination. If I stopped, though, how would “The Story” change – assuming John and Trishna are parts of me, rather than independent characters. Did I make an assumption that they were romantic because of cultural stereotypes and my own biological urges? The pornographic situations I’ve imagined could have easily been imagined. Why does their relationship have to be sexual?
I’m unsure whether sexuality is the only way to fully explore another person.
|Sources: The Story’s Imaginarium.|
|Inspirations: I was talking with a friend about “The Story” and they asked about whether it needed to be a sexual story. So I asked. The answer was “I’m unsure whether sexuality is the only way to fully explore another person.” As I have never had sex, or any intimate encounter of any kind with anyone – even down to kissing, I can’t say for sure how it would be like or how it would change me. I have no shame in admitting that. What I would be shameful in doing is tearing away their sexuality if they desired it, or, inserting it when they did not.|
|Related: Essays building “The Story.”|
|Written On: 2021 July 09 [11:21pm to 11:45pm]|
|Last Edited: 2021 July 09 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]|