Over the years, when I’ve thought of the main characters of “The Story,” I’ve wondered about their sexuality as it relates to themselves and others. I’ve imagined that Trishna has a strong interest, or passion, in John starting from when they first talk. Is that the same sort of passion that one might have for someone they deeply admire, is it romantic or more? Around Pride Month 2021, I considered my own sexuality, which relates here.
Spoilers?: Minor [is this romance?]
Throughout my teens, 20s, and now 30s, the only romantic interest I’ve had that’s guided me has been first getting out of compulsory education, then getting a job, then writing either avocationally or vocationally. I experience sexuality but that sex drive has never guided me to be interested in relationships with others. Every day of my life is a romantic pursuit of writing. Some days, like when I write essays like this about “The Story” or think more about my longest-term goals, the romance is more seductive than on days where I write about shorter-term goals like my health or downsizing. I would say it like this, so perhaps it’s closer to demisexual – I would only be romantically interested in someone that could equally share my passion for writing.
Any hindrances in the writing process would not be romantic at all.
That is a decisive stance, and one that would make most people feel “lonely,” but I don’t feel that especially deeply. Talking to people online, seeing their avatars and chatting with them through text messages, or texting with friends I’ve met that we’ve now been separated due to COVID or geographical distance, is sufficient social interaction for me. Livestreaming and Discord calls work, too. Stating this openly, both here and in Zdiscord and other locations has been nice for me because, through this exploration of self, I can meander through the thoughts of Trishna and John.
A scene that’s popped up sometimes is Trishna’s mom talking with Trishna.
Trishna’s mom would teach Trishna, perhaps in multiple scenes, to be bold in approaching people that she likes. Trishna’s mom would teach her that if she meets someone she truly likes to not be coy or shy, but to talk with them to see if she really likes them, and she would present this in a way to make sure she knew that it would be OK to be the instigator. Trishna’s mom would teach her other children this, too, but especially for Trishna, since she was born with a disability that might turn people away, Trishna’s mom would say that if there’s someone that can appreciate her for who she is, rather than for something she has or something they want, then they’re a good and decent person.
I imagine these teachings and Trishna’s tenacity encouraged her when talking to John.
From what I’ve imagined over the years, Trishna appreciated what John wrote in some forums about playing videogames with disabilities. She may have taken in what he said and understood it to be deeply similar to her own experiences, and appreciated that he was saying what she was feeling, or something like that. I don’t think Trishna would be shy, though, so she would probably be on the same forums, in the same discussion boards, talking about the same sorts of topics. Maybe John replied to something Trishna wrote and they talked publicly about their experiences with videogame accessibility before Trishna reached out to John via an instant messenger program to chat more?
John might be too shy to act on any feelings.
His upbringing was significantly rougher, and he might have shied away from expressing emotions either to others or to himself out of fear of rejection or humiliation. Talking with Trishna, and her parents, does help over the years that they chat online throughout their high school years, but does that express itself when they meet in person? I’ve imagined how they might express sexuality to each other. Their relationship might be fairly sexual, but what if it isn’t? For one, Trishna has a physical disability that would probably make most forms of sex painful, and John might be overly worried about underperforming or disappointing Trishna.
The natural inclination is that of the horny couple, but is it that simple?
They would have been online friends for years before meeting up, so they might not have that sort of chemistry that happens for most people that meet people to date and have sex. They would know more about each other than one-night-stands, so they might be more inclined to take it slow. Many of the scenes I’ve imagined about this involved John feeling inadequate, or maybe he has more interest in just being around Trishna in a more sexual sense? I wonder, then, if Trishna’s sex drive is more active than John’s?
Or are both more sincerely honest with being polite toward each other?
Being rude would be using a sexual partner only for personal pleasure or procreation. Not being rude would be nearly the opposite, where either sexual partner would make sure the other feels pleasure, and if procreation is a consideration, that it’s not an accidental decision. I have imagined, years into their future, that Trishna and John would start a family, but was that based on the sort of societal norms that might say that “here are two characters, one female, another male, that first become friends, so they must enter a relationship, marry, and have children” or is that how they truly are? That might be why writing “The Story” is such a long-term goal. To write it well, I must first explore all there is to explore about these characters, and to do that, I must first have the tools to analyze myself – so I don’t just write Zombiepaper-Trishna and Zombiepaper-John, but to actually write these and other characters as they are.
However their relationship progresses, I’ve imagined something worthwhile.
|Sources: The Story’s Imaginarium.|
|Inspirations: Thinking about things.|
|Related: Essays building “The Story.”|
|Written On: 2021 June 05 [11:13pm to 11:42pm]|
|Last Edited: 2021 June 05 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]|