[The Story] Energy For Perseverance

Although I’ve had a good success rate with doctors, the pain I woke up with today was one that couldn’t be quieted by the prescription painkillers I’ve been given as the stopgap as we figure out what’s wrong with my body. On days like today, I’m not productive. On days like today, I look to “The Story” for energy for perseverance, and wade out the pain until it calms itself down for a better tomorrow.

Spoilers?Minor [life inspiring fiction]

It’s unfortunate that some of these experiences are influencing “The Story.”

The negative experiences I’m having with people are breathing life into John’s rough childhood just as the positive experiences I’ve had and continue to have with people breathe life into John’s life after meeting Trishna. I don’t know how this story unfolds exactly, and I’m not sure if it’s a story where John opening up to another leads into a fruitful world where everything is much better than before – this story lingers in my mind throughout most days, in some form or another.

I see “The Story” in other media, experience it in reality, and in my imagination.

These are the three main perspectives that could grow “The Story,” and other fictional universes of your own creation, and I’ve never been quite sure of my own balance. If there’s too much of a focus on inspiration from other media, it’s derivative. If there’s too much inspiration from reality, then it gets a little weird when telling fiction. If there’s too much inspiration from your own private imagination, well, that’s where the real magic happens, right? Whether good or bad, I think those sorts of private moments where scenes unfold from the mysterious infinity of imagination are where the best stories happen.

What is Castlevania but taking the best of Dracula and turning it into a videogame?

For something like Castlevania, since the main inspiration is Dracula, adding much else to the formula can make it weird. If that weird fits in well with the world, then it can add in a dynamic flavor to the world, but if it doesn’t fit, then it might feel insincere. That’s where drawing too much from one source could be easy – it’s Dracula, but minus the poorly-written sections of character development, instead, it’s all action – but just the same there’s no real point to it besides being a cool videogame world to hang out in over the course of a series of videogames.

Does every story have to be a deep insight into our realities?

Not exactly, and there are times where relaxing with Castlevania is perfectly acceptable. As I struggle throughout each day, now, to get my health back, I find it increasingly harder to latch onto the sorts of self-actualizing media that present more of myself than I knew was possible. I’d rather just hang out on days like today where I struggle to walk around without experiencing pains far less predictable than I could have imagined them even one month ago. I don’t have the energy to do anything other than sit and, honestly, pass the time until I can fall asleep. I’ve been wasting time over the past month, but that’s because if I try to do much else, my energy levels both in that moment and after are drained considerably more than if I just patiently wade out the pain.

Other times, this physical pain does not block me from living life.

Over the past week, I’ve been thinking about the scene where Trishna’s spine acts up. In that scene, which I’m not sure where it fits within “The Story” but it seems to be after they graduate college and both work full-time, Trishna’s health is in such a degraded state from her spine condition that she has to move back home with her parents for a month. John, of course, is supportive. They might have a conversation early into their staying at Trishna’s parents’s house about whether they decide to give up their apartment and move back home permanently. John would want what is 100% best for Trishna, so he wouldn’t mind giving up the apartment in a heartbeat, and getting movers to move everything back home, if that’s what would be best for Trishna.

Is that my mind’s way of wish fulfillment, since I don’t have that luxury?

I don’t think so. Even though it would be nice to have some basic support through this process – I have bills to call about, emails to tend to, and all matter of things the American Healthcare System burdens its most vulnerable with – there’s not much else I can do besides what I’m doing. On days like today, I don’t have the strength to do much else other than sit here or sleep in bed when the pain gets too severe. On days like yesterday, I might try to lift my spirits in productive ways. On days where I feel well enough to do anything at all, I might try to reduce those stacks of un-tended-to bills to something more manageable.

I am so overwhelmed by the pain on days like today.

It’s nearly midnight and I’m only just now writing anything. If it weren’t for the daily writing obligation I set out for myself years ago, I would have skipped writing anything at all. That explains this essay’s messiness, but it also summarizes my current condition: writing was once my biggest passion, and though it remains so, it requires almost all of my energy to commit to in order to do to any degree of proficiency. I had to use up most of my energy today to summon the energy to figure out the logistics of driving to the appointment with my new neurologist tomorrow, and then driving for a COVID-19 test tomorrow, so I couldn’t do much in terms of thinking about “The Story” or doing anything other than tolerating this pain – since I can’t take any painkillers and drive.

Writing sure is easier without massive physical pain.

Quotes: None.
Sources: The Story’s Imaginarium.
Inspirations: Writing about fiction and nonfiction and how they interact.
Related: Essays building “The Story.” Sober Living essays and Tripping On [The American Healthcare System] chapters.
Picture: Template
Written On: 2020 December 17 [11:03pm to 11:28pm]
Last Edited: 2020 December 17 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]


My big goal is writing. My most important goal is writing "The Story." All other goals should work toward that central goal. My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame some fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. I'm not better than you and you're not better than me. Let's strive to be better every day.