Were it not for “The Story,” were it not for this long-term goal that popped into my head during my final/3rd year of high school, my life would be drastically different. I’m not sure what would have changed. When we think of regret, and long for changes or wince with regret, it’s often those wants of time travel or otherwise to see life from different perspectives. I only know my ambition to share “The Story.”
Spoilers?: Minor [collaboration with others/self]
The past four-plus years have been useful in the sharing process.
I thought of this – as I was driving home today from the chiropractor that might inspire an appearance of a chiropractor in “The Story,” perhaps as a “No Crack Chiropractor” located in the Greater Eville Medical Zone on the same street as Eville Medical. How much of Eville Medical is inspired by the locations I’ve visited and worked in? How much of it is my own? How much of this is the inspiration of others as well? – Well, here’s the thought before my thoughts go elsewhere. The past four-plus years of writing daily, where I haven’t written less than 500 words since, apparently, May 17 2018, has what’s solidified my resolve to write “The Story” and write everything else as well.
Reading daily for now 32 out of 37 days has solidified that habit, too.
If I weren’t serious about writing “The Story,” John and Trishna wouldn’t appear in my head near-daily, in various daydream scenarios. They might, but they’d be obscured by thousands of other characters. If I’d think about them, say, kissing for the first time – it wouldn’t be them if I truly wasn’t interested in writing “The Story.” If I didn’t dedicate my life to this ambition, then, I wouldn’t have read for one hour today or dedicated this time to writing. I would be seduced, perhaps, by livestreaming. I might, perhaps, be learning a second language or playing music. Who knows what else I would be? I might not even be Zombiepaper – that name was a placeholder for me, as I had tried out another username years later that didn’t stick, and, it’s easy to change usernames and identities online.
Zombiepaper has become me as I’ve become Zombiepaper.
The me that has the government name that pays taxes is only legally-distinct from Zombiepaper in certain regards. Those are only to make sure that I don’t accidentally do anything as Zombiepaper that might impair the government-me. Once those two are consolidated, which I believe to happen once I finish writing all I need to write about the American Healthcare System and consolidate my living conditions to a point where I will not be worried about being controlled by money, housing, or minor inconvenience, then I can be free to work as I want – to write what I want, and to get to a point where Zombiepaper-me and government-me can become me.
How many people are willing to sacrifice so much of their government-mes?
I sacrificed much pleasure today to the writing process. It wasn’t all pain in exchange, and that’s the thing. Once you find something you love, then, you forget about everything that you don’t love. What’s interesting, too, is that when you sacrifice all the petty shit in your life, you find that instead of receiving more petty shit, you find good-hearted people that might even help you along in your journey. Over the past six months, livestreaming, I’ve found a group of people that all enjoy hanging out with me for various reasons. On Zdiscord, we can have casual or deep conversations about anything, and that happens after we chat in livestreams. I might rant at length about corporate apathy, which will inspire others to express their experiences. We can help each other. It’s great.
Some are beginning to become interested in helping with my literature.
This is a fantastic thing for me, because, when I wrote “Novel 01,” I had functionally no audience to work with that I could brainstorm ideas with and no way to actually see it from a different perspective. That is true freedom, however. I wrote that novel without a publishing house telling me how to tell the story. My buddy Josh helped me with some editing, but he didn’t try to control the novel, and, I think for the audience I’m cultivating through livestreaming, when I introduce the editing process to them in livestreams in the future, that will be a time for them to inject their own criticisms as well.
Is that the future of literature – livestreamed editing?
There is no greater goal in life than to achieve what you secretly need to achieve. Sure, it’s nice to be able to eat, have shelter, and do other things that satiate the body. But what satiates the soul, if you will – self-actualization, and performing not as a character, but as yourself – that is what draws people in. When I livestream, for example, I think about what I’m going to say, but I don’t think a lot about it. The stream-of-consciousness approach that I cultivated through four-plus years of writing to myself here has paid off there. I refuse to sacrifice the writing to go into livestreaming, however, because I would say it like this – my purpose within livestreaming is to push the boundaries for what could be livestreamed, and, doing so in the direction of literature.
Scarce few among my friends or acquaintances read much.
I have had many readers interested in my material, however, so it’s not like they’re not out there – it’s just that within literature, I think there’s a degree of pretension that happens in any community. I’m listening to some silly album that no doubt has reviews proclaiming it, when, really, it’s just some silly tones. Throughout these four-plus years of writing, I’ve learned that if you do what you need to do at the expense of things you don’t need to worry about, people will eventually get interested.
I have no investments other than writing fiction – “The Story.”
|Sources: The Story’s Imaginarium.|
|Inspirations: Writing looser about my thoughts related to “The Story” because no particular scene has caught my thoughts enough to be the subject of an essay like this. As a footnote, it’s fun and exciting to have other people interested in what I’m doing.|
|Related: Essays building “The Story.”|
|Written On: 2021 May 03 [11:12pm to 11:37pm]|
|Last Edited: 2021 May 03 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]|