[The Story] Spine Doctor Appointments

Although it’s been difficult for me to think about “The Story” lately, when I drove to my spine doctor’s appointment the other day, I thought about John and Trishna on my way into the appointment. The doctor’s office is nice. They’re in a nice part of town, the parking lot is spacious, and the air is clean. I don’t know what specific spinal condition Trishna was born with, but I imagine she’ll need occasional check-ups.

Spoilers?: Minor [minor medical meanderings]

If so, I would base some of their experiences on mine.

There are some conditions like spina bifida that I’d learned about through my casual studies in disabilities throughout the years. I figure once I get my spinal problems fixed, related to two bulging discs, then I can start the process of thinking about what Trishna might have been born with, but it’s useful to think about sometimes during this medical nightmare known as the American Healthcare System, I suppose, as well.

I only saw one other patient when I was there.

I was too focused on my own personal pain and out of respect for patient privacy, I didn’t let my mind linger for too long on this other patient, so I don’t know if it would make sense for, say, a patient like Trishna to go in for yearly spinal checks. But it could be. If she was born with a specific spinal issue that might require surgeries to address, it would make sense that she’d get check-ups to make sure that things wouldn’t get worse. I guess that’s the same as me. When my insurance company finally has the mercy to review my case and determine whether surgery is the option, or whether they suggest a different route, even after I get the surgery, and even after that heals up, I will have a lifetime of concern over my spine.

In addition to medical advisement over proper spinal care.

I will never do anything to risk my spine’s health again, and if that means living a less risky lifestyle, well, I hadn’t really lived a risky lifestyle to begin with. I never did much I considered to gamble my health, but exercising is an example of something I will need to be more careful with going forward, as will be even moving things with any weight, so I will need to reassess my priorities in life when it comes to ownership of heavy property. If I own any heavy objects, then I should have more justification toward owning them, since they could potentially hurt me.

I don’t know if Trishna would think in those same terms.

She might still want to own some nice furniture or certain objects that she couldn’t move on her own, just like now and probably going forward I couldn’t move some of the objects out of the apartment-mansion that I had moved in, but she would be more careful about what she would want to own. At least from what I know of her, she isn’t too interested in owning things just to own them. John might actually help convince her to get some things that she might want but decide she shouldn’t get, like maybe a vanity mirror desk, as an example.

I’ve also been thinking about wheelchairs much more seriously lately.

Not that I thought about them comically or anything before, but I’ve been thinking about how they’re not just a luxury. I haven’t been able to go to the store in a few weeks to buy groceries for myself. I can slowly walk to my car, drive, park, and walk back to my apartment without much pain. I feel apprehensive about using a grocery store’s automatic wheelchair, I suppose, even though this would be the one time where I should be fully allowed to use one. I could not make one lap through a grocery store without having the discs in my spine pinch in such a way as to cause pain for days, even at a slow pace, and even using a shopping cart.

If I used a wheelchair, I could have more of that personal autonomy back.

I don’t know what my future holds. I don’t know if the nerve in my spine that’s causing my left leg the numbness that I’m experiencing will sever, causing permanent disability. My insurance company is not worried about it. They won’t cover the damages they caused for taking too long to wait to assess my case. They refuse to consider me, morally, so they must be taught to not consider patients as human beings as part of their training process. So, I don’t know how much of my life will intertwine with Trishna’s. I don’t know what kind of spinal condition she has, but compared to three or six months ago, I have a much better idea – having lived through it – of what she goes through on a daily basis now.

It’s not fun, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but she’s surviving it.

What I have to, then, do is remember her and remember all the other people that have experienced terrible hardships, as well, as I go through this difficult stage in life. There are others in their lives that have gone to that doctor’s office that would never walk again, whereas I still have a chance. I am in significant pain throughout each day, whereas, maybe others are in more pain? I don’t know. If “The Story” should be about anything, now, it should be about helping to share these stories with more of the world. John and Trishna are two kids, really, that are faced with unfair disadvantages from early ages. They shouldn’t have to deal with physical impairments, disabilities, and the hardships they encountered, and yet, they did. They survive. “The Story” will be difficult to write because I will still need to experience their hardships. Hopefully, they – and I will – experience success as well.

If not, then we’ll just need to keep on trying…

Quotes: None.
Sources: The Story’s Imaginarium.
Inspirations: I wanted to write about “The Story” but ended up writing more about my own life, but sometimes, that’s OK, because even if I just think a little bit about “The Story,” that’s better than nothing.
Related: Essays building “The Story.”
Picture: Template
Written On: 2020 August 01 [11:35pm to 11:58pm] 02 [12:10am to 12:11am; forgot the last 10 words again]
Last Edited: 2020 August 02  [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]


My big goal is writing. My most important goal is writing "The Story." All other goals should work toward that central goal. My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame some fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. I'm not better than you and you're not better than me. Let's strive to be better every day.