Early on into my sobrieties, I would distract myself with any frivolous adventure, just to distract myself. I think that’s good. When you’re knee-deep into any addiction, whether you want to admit it or not, you become so enamored with your uppers that you can’t experience life anymore. It just feels wrong. It’s like going out into a thunderstorm without a rain jacket. Why bother? Well, sometimes, you’ve gotta brave those storms, catching any life-raft.
After a while, the urges stop nagging you.
Especially if you’re like me, where I braved my first few years of sobriety in various stages of unemployment and underemployment, where I had no real obligations other than to make it through and stay the course, any sort of amusement for a dollar or more was priceless. Even just to have, there was comfort in clutter, especially the glitter salvaged from the grimier thrift stores.
Oh, how that came to represent me.
Now that I’m nearly seven years into this new adventure, I don’t need the frivolous adventures as much. It’s fun seeing new things. But I’m more critical now. People can be terrible and some books aren’t worth my time. The people that aren’t, even if we only talk not even monthly, fill my life with joy.
In the meantime, I’m sorting through the junk.
There are CDs I like but don’t love. Those can go. There are things from childhood that I like but don’t love. Those can stay. There are books that I might enjoy but haven’t yet. Those can remain in the bookstores to be sold to another, and if they are thrown away, then it was not by my hands they took their final swig before being cast off into a sea of hemlock.
It’s tough to only buy it if you’ll love it.
I’m slogging my way through Aurelius’s Meditations. It’s good enough but not well edited or translated. I have no fondness for it. When I’m done, if no one I know wants it, and it doesn’t sell for a worthwhile price, I’ll donate it. It was a dollar purchase, bought because I thought I’d like it, along with most else I own.
Now, if I buy it, it gets the main stage.
There is no use in buying something now to store it for later, unless it’s a grocery item. Whatever new experiences, be it a book or anything, which catches your attention should be indulged in if it will help distract you from life’s ennui and comfort. We need friction, pain, and schedules to create obligations for ourselves. Lies we can tell others about being tired to gain sympathy. Cast off those lies. Be honest with yourself.
|Quotes:  Collector, when I asked him about this League of Extraordinary Gentlemen book. I wanted to include his quote in there because that’s compulsive control. I don’t have it. Much. I’m learning.|
|Sources: My personal experiences.|
|Inspirations: Another shelf explored, this time, rather than a random library to check out, this was to borrow Post Office, which is a fast and brilliant read, although definitely consult your sensitivities before reading it.|
|Related: Other Downsizing Zeal and Sober Living essays.|
|Photo: Another shelf shot.|
|Written On: September 13th [20 minutes, 4:18am then 4:58-5:17am, mobile]|
|Last Edited: September 14th [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]|