I have three phases for my spare bedroom, “Zeal.” These phases will dictate when I can move. The first phase is mid-swing: a storage room, at its former height, barely navigable. The second phase is moving in my reading, and perhaps writing, operations. The third phase will be scratching my head over what to put there since it will be so empty… Achieving that goal will enable me to efficiently move into perhaps an efficiency?
The goal is simplicity.
If all I need are laptops, cherished objects, and perhaps books, what do I need all the rest for but to show off? At my hoarding height, I would buy compulsively. I’d never need anything, but I needed it. I have yet to make a truly difficult downsizing decision in months and I’ve already cleared out box after box and almost two shelves.
The harder decisions are over “why do I want to keep this?”
I boxed up some VHS tapes and weirder media yesterday and today along my morning commute, I wondered: ” Why did I want to keep all that?” The weirder media is just weird. I can’t do anything with it. I don’t have their players and probably would never be interested in watching some of those movies, even with a 500-year lifespan.
The tapes, too, are more symbolic than cherishable.
I guess my second pass in some month’s time will be easier because of those driving thoughts? I’m finding it easier to get rid of things now. I’m still not over my fear of selling things, once having taken Ativan before selling off some things, but I suppose that fear will fade as I approach a closer proximity toward selling things off with unalienable equity.
I’m clearing out the cabinet of curiosities.
Objects that once amused or inspired me are gone of their captivation, not out of some kind of depression, but more because they impede phase two of this operation. “Zeal” should be my workspace and workshop, not just some objects collecting dust and stale air. I think I would want to move my primary reading and writing spaces into that soon-former storage room.
I’ll keep up the better shelving units.
They’ll be useful for storing books as I read or consider selling or donating them. I’m not sure I’m as seduced by the fragility of books. I might keep my favorites or useful reference guides, but for the others, I feel like a digital library tracking what I’ve read should suffice, while the books themselves can go to their next readers.
Eventually, I’ll move all that into my bedroom.
Then eventually, still, I’ll move into a smaller place. I’ll have to learn to adapt to this sort of minimized lifestyle, but I think it will work out better for me. I won’t have as much physical or mental clutter weighing me down. I can return to the past more spontaneously and with fresh eyes rather than through rose-colored nostalgia glasses.
Soon: Time to see the world.
|Sources: My personal experiences.|
|Inspirations: I don’t hate it where I live. I’m mostly comfortable. It’s just the wrappings around it that I don’t like. I don’t like my work schedule. I don’t like thinking about waking up my downstairs neighbors. I don’t like pulling into my parking stall. These thoughts outweigh the sense of security I have about where I live and the serenity of looking out the windows or going out onto the patio to look at nature. I feel trapped in some sense and the possessions of my past obsessions toward hobbies of various sorts. I still enjoy the same things, it’s just instead of cluttering my mind or time with doing much of it, it’s more of a calculated approach: What will purchasing this thing do to help me out? Will it help me live somewhere easier? I like the idea of getting home and just getting to work. I suppose I still do that now, but it’s muddled with working on clearing out stuff. Maybe I just want to feel a more compact home life so that way when I get out there, I’ll know everything is secure, accounted for, and done? If all the drafts are published, if the mind and body are prepared for any sort of new adventure, then I can capture it better than right now, where I’m in stasis.|
|Related: Other Downsizing Zeal essays.|
|Photo: The current – as of mid-August – state of my storage room.|
|Written On: August 15th [22 minutes, mobile]|
|Last Edited: August 18th [Added a word. Otherwise, first draft; final draft for the Internet.]|