[Moving Zeal] Adapting to White Walls

Nearly everything’s packed. I still have some things in the old place I’m renting, but most everything I own is in storage, except for the essentials and some things I like keeping around me. When I move to my next place, I don’t know how much stuff I’ll hang up, because I don’t know how long I’ll stay there. Days, weeks, months, or years? Fortunately, I’m comfortable without my artistic noise hanging around every wall.

This is a good change.

My previous clutter sprawl was unpresentable. As I look around the remains of my living room, which I could pack up in a hurried hour or process properly in more time, I’m not sure how I got to be such a hoarder. It was probably working on one project so leaving parts of another project somewhere, then just leaving things to settle for seven years. I want to avoid that because that transitory nature I referenced above isn’t overly negative.

I want to explore more of the world than I have.

When you’re overly comfortable at home you never leave. The day I wrote this was the first time I was able to leave after being snowed in for nearly three days. I’ve missed out on a number of social opportunities over these past three days and it’s frustrating. Sure, I could have braved the snow. I could have taken the bus. But having just overcome a common-enough cold and dealing with migraines related to the snow-blinding brightness, I didn’t want to chance it.

I wonder if I’ll treat my next place like a hotel?

Whether it’s an apartment, room, or couch, I’ll have some things unpacked, but I’ll always keep in mind that “end date” of when I’ll have to move next – like when I’ve worked contracts. If so, I might begin to figure out ways to become more comfortable anywhere – to find “my home” while I’m at the store, hanging out with friends, or working. I’ve always felt a little awkward around others when I’m in person, but online, in chatrooms or instant messengers, I’m fine.

Maybe that’s the source of my social anxiety?

When I’m behind this written layer of abstraction, I’m free to articulate myself at my pace. You wouldn’t know I misspelled “articulate” or “misspelled” without this sentence. When I’m in social environments, I’m learning to resist the notion that everyone’s judging me negatively, because if they are, that sort of toxic environment isn’t one that I should respect. If I’m holed up for days at a time due to a snowstorm or years at a time in evenings, it’s difficult to overcome.

In a way, your physical home shouldn’t be too comfortable.

Home should be a comfortably serene place, yes, but it shouldn’t be the only place you find comfort. It shouldn’t be the only place where you can look around at the walls and feel inspired. You should feel inspired and relaxed wherever you happen to find yourself.

Keep your inner home well-decorated.

Endtable:
Quotes: None.
Sources: My moving experiences.
Inspirations: Now that I’m feeling better, it’s time to kick back into packing gear, and part of that is looking around at everything that’s left to move. I know it’s probably annoying to read all these move updates, and trust me I’d like to get back to writing fiction, it’s just I have to finish parsing through this and I’m in a housing purgatory situation that hopefully by this day’s publication has been resolved, but until then I’m just here.
Related: Other Moving Zeal essays.
Picture: This corner once housed my videogame collection, but it was full in my mind.
Written On: Feburary 6th [30 minutes]
Last Edited: First draft; final draft.
My big goal is writing. My most important goal is writing "The Story." All other goals should work toward that central goal. My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame some fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. I'm not better than you and you're not better than me. Let's strive to be better every day.