[Moving Zeal] End of Era

Everything I own now is under a microscope. If I keep an object, it will have a certain burden that I will carry to my next residence, the next, and maybe the next after that. If I don’t keep the object, should I try to sell it or just get rid of it? After kicking this move into high gear, objects no longer seem as interesting, because the question becomes: “when will this become burdensome?”

This is a stark consideration but here’s where it’s useful.

By being so decisive when it comes to the objects you own, you become less distracted by the shiny objects that might be good for our collections or fun ways to entertain us. In this current move, I’m keeping everything that I’m attached to owning or anything that reminds me of a positive memory. Each item in the boxes of things to donate or sell represent some sort of reality about myself that didn’t come to fruition. Some object that didn’t enrich my life or some memory I don’t need anymore.

It’s not an easy process. After a while, it feels like bloodletting.

But then when I step away from the process and address some other activity, maybe an interaction with someone over business or interpersonal development, I can act more decisively. If we only collect things because they remind us of certain positive events, then we can more quickly detach from the negative events. I just recalled a memory of going to a gas station with some friends. I was going to get coffee and a sandwich, but there was a deal to get a free muffin. We had fun the whole time.

I don’t have any mementos over that event… besides the aforementioned sentences.

If I forget the memory, does that mean it didn’t happen? Do I need to own some sort of physical object to remember that event? If that memory can float in my mind, and if I’m willing to break the physical and mental ties of the negative events that might weigh me down, then I’m more likely to operate with some degree of positivity. There is no need to own anything just for the sake of it. Who are you trying to impress by owning these bad memories? Sympathizers and charlatans?

I cut my hair because it was burdensome.

It was the first time I buzzcut my hair in over five years. I had a few interactions where I could have talked with people about it. Didn’t seem necessary. The final one stood out the most because it was the one I didn’t have. I thought of asking a friend about my hair’s length, but during each of the few times that I thought to ask, I knew the answer: “so what?” For so long, I thought of collecting as much hair as I could, hoarding its length, but then I came to realize it was way too burdensome.

My New Year’s Resolution: remove more burdens from my life.

Endtable:
Quotes: None.
Sources: My personal experiences.
Inspirations: I couldn’t figure out what to write for nearly the entire day. I started this at just before 11 PM. I guess I wanted to write about cutting my hair but I didn’t really know how to write about it until “burdens” came to mind.
Related: Other Moving Zeal essays.
Picture: A quickly-drawn collage of written themes.
Written On: November 26th [27 minutes]
Last Edited: First draft; final draft.
My big goal is to write. My important goal is to write "The Story." My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame a fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. Let's strive to be better everyday. (Avatar)