I’ve been looking at apartments casually for the past month or so. It’s difficult sometimes. Similar to looking for work, there’s a certain mental barrier to enter where you have to feel in certain spirits, where you can’t let this or that bother you, and you have to be willing to wade through menial ads. I have my criteria to help me refine my searches. Certain autonomous qualities I won’t compromise on; not yet, really.
I keep forgetting I’ll only move for about two years.
In the next two years, I plan to reinvigorate my career either through writing or a necessary trade that will enable me ample time to write, so that I can afford another place that’s closer to the city. The city is where I want to go. While it’s more expensive, you get less space, and have to deal with more people, not all of those are inherently bad or mutually exclusive to negative traits. How much time do I lose in the commute into the city for work or for hobbies? How much space do I really need? How often do I have to deal with people/neighbors out here?
It’s just a matter of finding a good enough stop gap.
I don’t want to be significantly further away from the city and wherever I may work most often than I am right now. I don’t want to worry about my stuff getting broken into. When I lived in my old apartment, which has doubled in price since I moved out, there were never any concerns over that. Just lock your doors and don’t present yourself like a target. Depending on the size of the apartment and the price per square foot, it might be cheaper to rent a storage unit for a year to store the stuff that I’m not overly fond of but don’t want to donate just yet.
From there, this moving pressure will be lessened.
I won’t wake up every day to the nightmare that is wondering where I will live in the future and how I need to do as much as I can today to make that future move easier. I’ve lost the past week of time due to the common cold. I’m also finding plenty of volunteer or entertaining time sinks that are luring me away from these harder decisions. While I can justify the past week’s disregards, because when your body is just unwilling or disinterested in doing anything, the last thing I wanted to add on top of that is that existential dread of where I’m going to live… soon.
Escapism is really only justified to diminish the worst anxieties.
Everything else doesn’t get better by ignoring it. Every day and every hour I don’t spend wrapping up the remainder of the things I need to pack up or donate, the more attachment I’ll have to deal with here. Ideally, I’d have everything in storage.
Then, just move the bed, along with a week’s worth of essentials.
|Sources: My personal experiences.|
|Inspirations: I struggled on what to write all day. It’s not much, but writing about this has helped me regain my focus. If I need to be moved out by the end of February, and this being February 2nd when I wrote this, then I really need to start reprioritizing the next week or two of time. Even excluding the time I need to write, unless my mind is blitzed from this cold, I need to focus on moving forward in this move. The frustrating part is that while I’m nearly there, there’s so much left to do.|
|Related: Other Moving Zeal essays.|
|Picture: Sketch abstracting my first apartment, somewhat.|
|Written On: February 2nd [30 minutes]|
|Last Edited: First draft; final draft.|